This was it.
I'm going to do it.
I'm going to tell her.
Tell her how I feel.
I've known Giselle for two years, and I really like her.
She makes me so happy, she makes me smile when I don't want to, she makes me laugh when I feel like there's nothing to laugh about.
She's helped me so much without even knowing.
When I wanted and needed a friend she came right up to me and started talking to me, why? I don't know.
Admittedly, I tried to push her away, I was, and still am in a dark place but she never stopped trying, she'd always call and text me to see how I was doing, and after a while I just gave in.
But I am thankful that she didn't stop trying, because I was contemplating suicide.
Then right as I was going to do it, right as I was going to jump, she called me.
She asked how I was doing.
She had asked if I wanted to hang out.
I thought about whether to say yes or no.
Then, I stepped back from the ledge.
She saved me.
So from then on we talked, every day.
Slowly, I started to develop feelings for her.
It started out with little things, like how she would pronounce a word, how she would smile or how she would laugh.
How she was just herself.
And now, a year after discovering my feeling for her, I was ready to tell her.
I was scared and nervous.
Anyone would be.
I wanted to tell her I'm person but I moved before I found the courage.
So I have to settle for a phone call.
I know it's not the most ideal way to tell someone you like them, but it's my only option right now.
I looked at the time, it was six thirty so she should be free.
I took a deep breath and pressed on the call button.
It rang a few times before she picked up.
"Hey!" She said cheerfully.
"Hi" I replied with the same enthusiasm.
Then from there we started talking how we usually would.
We asked about each others day and so on.
Then I finally got up my courage before I chickened out.
"Giselle?"
"Yeah?" She said.
"I need to tell you something"
"Okay."
"I... I've-"
"Elizabeth just calm down, okay? Think about what you're going to say before you say it."
"Okay" I took a deep breath and started again.
"Giselle, I've liked you for a while now and I-."
"I know."
I froze, shocked.
"What?"
" I know" She says again.
I didn't say anything, I couldn't say anything, I didn't know what to say.
But she didn't let me anyway.
"Look Elizabeth I've known that you've liked me for a while now and I just... I hoped that you didn't bring it up because I didn't want to hurt you."
I stayed quiet, I couldn't think of what to say.
"Elizabeth I'm really sorry, you're a great girl and all but I can't see you that way, you're more like a sister than anything else."
Sister.
I was more of a sister than anything else.
I tried to blink back my tears but they slipped through anyway.
I realized that she was calling my name.
I took a deep breath and tried to make my voice sound normal.
"No, it's okay" I said.
"I understand" trying not to let me voice betray me.
"Oh" she said.
"Alright."
"I um ... I... I just needed you to know..." I replied.
"Ok um ... well I need to go, I'll talk to you tomorrow? "
"Yeah" I whispered.
"Bye."
"Bye."
After the call ended I finally let it out and sobbed.
I cried.
A lot.
Why did it hurt so much?
Why did I think that she would like me back?
Another sob tore through me.
I couldn't stop.
She didn't feel the same.
She would never feel the same.
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