Life's been getting better. I myself have been getting better. I can get myself up to go to work every day, not calling out, pushing through my sick days, focusing on my personal love and growth, and just all around making progress in my life.
I do however still wonder about a certain someone. I've come to realize, maybe I'm not as over him as I thought. I still think about him often, I find myself having memories pop up when seeing or hearing certain things, it's almost like I'm grieving a loss, yet every time I think about it I also wonder if he ever finds himself thinking of me. I'm learning to accept that whether or not I continue to care about him, I need to move on and be able to heal from my trauma responses and self loathing.
I've decided to stay single for a while. I might find someone to fool around with, although it's been difficult. Not because people haven't been interested, but because I'm an extremely awkward person, and I'm really bad at reading cues except for the creepy or insulting ones. When I worked in retail, I had a bit more interaction with people as well, and a lot of people would ask for my number, but I never gave it out unless it was someone who I was forming a friendship with. I kind of regret that decision now, because I truly missed out on meeting new people in general.
Now, I simply don't have the funds to go out and do anything. I make enough to pay my bills and keep basic necessities, maybe with a little extra, but I rarely experience anything outside of going to work anymore. I would love to go to out to a small social setting sometime and just mingle with some people. I don't want to do anything crazy, just meet others, try new things. I've spent a lot of my life staying at the house, and I really don't want to be like that anymore.
I'm working hard to get myself to where I want to be, and it's been an uphill battle. I've definitely had days where I didn't want to get out of bed and didn't, and times where I've financially messed myself up and had to figure out a way to get it fixed, but I'm learning and fighting with myself to do better. I've got a long way to go, but I'm so glad I feel like I'm finally on the correct path to my happiness.
