Life And Death

Imagine how much money you would have if you never had kids

My period was always on time, here and there I might be a day late or a day early but I always came on and it always hurt. I'd go through fazes, always have, convincing myself that I was pregnant. The first time I did I remember so vividly. Me and James had only been together a few months, I'd finished work early and picked him up, we were going away for a festival in London. We parked up at Tesco to get oil because of course my shitty little Peugeot decided that the oil would be completely empty before we drove over an hour away to somewhere I'd never been. I'd been paranoid all day that I was pregnant, I was sure of it. But, I was excited. Like an absolute tramp I took the test in the Tesco toilets. (How classy of me.) It was negative and I remember the wave of reality and sadness that collapsed over me. James was shitting himself, he didn't quite know back then how much of a crazy hypochondriac I can be. I walked towards the car and looked at him in his petrified eyes, told him it was negative and he stopped holding his breath with relief. At least one of us was thinking straight. I didn't even want kids, yet I was upset. 

My reasoning for not wanting kids was simple, whenever anyone asked why I always gave the same answer: Imagine how much money you would have now if you never had kids. I usually received an 'Oh yeah, that's very true' or an realization type of nod. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate children, babies are adorable but they don't stay babies. Newborns mean sleepless nights, vomit and shit. Then they become toddlers, the most adorable stage, they learn to walk and talk and eat, they play and bring delight. But who works? Do you both work? Then who looks after the child? You either spend a whole persons wages on over priced childcare or you pie your kids off to your family or his family. If its the second choice, one is going to wish it was with the other ones family, you'll never be satisfied. If only one of you works, who gets the 'luxury' to stay at home? Then you have to survive on one income, dreading to look at your bank account before you buy nappies, wondering what you'll have to sacrifice to be able to pay rent this month. Doesn't sound too great does it? The toddler then becomes a child, they become their own little human. Then they grow more and become a moody teenager who hates you, you ruin their life just being their embarrassing mother. Leaving home then comes, visits turn to once a week, once a month, once a year. You've just wasted let's say 18-25 years of your life, caring for this human who grew to hate you and left you if you didn't leave them already. (Is my amazingly happy home life shining through here?) Imagine how much money you would have if you never had kids. 

You're either understanding and agreeing with me right now, or you think I'm a horrible person. Either way, that's fine, your opinion isn't affecting my life. But, just think of that before you ask someone when they're having kids. You don't know their thought process, you don't know what they've been through or going through. Kids from broken homes go one of two ways, they become the best parents who want to give everything that they never had. Or they understand that kids aren't required for your life to have meaning, they were broken by their parents, why should they break an innocent like destined to do? The statistics of women who have been through a miscarriage or can't carry or conceive children are astonishing. We're bread that having children is the norm, but it isn't and it doesn't have to be. Sometimes, you're doing more harm than good asking when you're going to get a grandchild to spoil. Would you know if the lady sitting next to you right now has had an abortion?