•ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ʏᴏᴜ• ᴍᴀᴛᴛ ꜱᴛᴜʀɴɪᴏʟᴏ

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Song recs: Is It Just Me- Emily Burns

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•Angelines pov•

The triplets got home two days ago, Nick and Chris are coming over today. I am excited to see them, but at the same time I'm scared, scared of what memories it's going to bring up. I know they're going to talk about him, it's inevitable. I'm just terrified of what they'll say. 

What if they tell me he's doing great? That he's perfectly fine and is acting like nothing ever happened. I don't know how I'd handle that, knowing that I'm here broken and he's just.. fine. 

At the same time I don't want to know if he's hurting just as bad as me. Despite what he did I still love him, I'll never stop loving him. I don't want him to be upset ever, I want him to be happy, but also I don't. 

Before I can decide if that makes me a horrible person or not I hear a knock at my front door. I take one last glance at my room, I did my best to clean it up so it looks like I sort of have my life together. Even though it feels as if it's falling apart. 

Once I open the door I'm tackled into hugs by the two boys. We all stay there for a moment. I've missed this. 

"Angeline I missed you so much it's unreal." Nick says still not pulling away from the hug

"I missed you too." I respond

"As much as you annoy me I missed you too." Chris says 

Finally we all pull away from the hug

"I missed you too Chrissy." I smile ruffling his hair

I nod my head towards my bedroom and we all head up the stairs. They tell me all about their time in LA, clearly avoiding using Matts name, which I appreciate. 

"So how have you been?" Nick asks placing a hand on my knee 

I sigh before speaking

"I'm not gonna lie, not good. I feel like everything is falling apart, I barely wrote any music this month. I barely could get out of bed. Today was the first day I made my bed since.." I cut myself off

From the looks on their faces they already know. It's the look I've gotten all month from anyone who's seen me. They don't know what to say or do to help, so they just give that look. I hate that look.

I look down at my hands for a moment and debate if I should ask. I know it's best I don't but I can't stop myself from wondering. It's killing me not to know how he is, even though I know either answer is going to hurt me. 

"How is he?" I abruptly say

They look a bit shocked by my question, and for a good reason. They probably had a conversation on the way over here to specifically not bring him up. 

"He's uhm.." Nick starts

"I wanna know the truth." I say

"He's not good Ang, before we left he barely left his room and.. got into a pretty nasty fight with Nick." Chris looks at Nick to continue

"In LA he wasn't any better, just hid it from the public, but fans could tell he was a little off in car videos and he wasn't in the vlogs a lot. Most days he stayed in bed, he talked to us a little more and came to meetings and stuff but.. we could all tell he wasn't okay."