Scars
Hindi ko alam kung paano sasabihin sa kaniya ang totoo. Wala akong lakas ng loob. Nababalot ako ngayon ng takot... takot na baka mapahamak siya kapag sinabi ko ang totoo. Takot na baka pati ang buhay niya ay malagay rin sa peligro.
Tama ng ako na lamang ang nasa dilim. Ayokong pati siya ay hatakin ko palapit sa kadiliman.
Death has always been present in my life, followed by darkness. I had a difficult childhood. It's as if I'm only alive on the outside but dead on the inside.
Since then, the dark has embraced me, and no matter how hard I try to flee, I'm already trapped; no matter how far I run, death will always find me.
Nanatiling nakapikit ang mga mata ko habang ang mga luha ko ay patuloy lamang sa paglandas. Tinakpan ko ang aking bibig. Para hindi hindi makagawa ng ano mang ingay sa tabi niya.
Tahimik akong umiiyak ngayon sa tabi niya. Sa tuwing nakikita kong nasasaktan siya nang dahil sa akin ay parang paulit-ulit na pinipiga ang dibdib ko. Sobrang sakit... pero wala akong magawa. Dahil ako ang naglagay sa aming dalawa sa ganitong sitwasyon.
Kasalanan ko kung baket kami nasasaktang dalawa. I was selfish.
Hindi ko na napigilan ang mga hikbi ko. Tuluyan akong napahagulgol, kasabay nang pagtaas-baba ng aking mga balikat. Mas lalo ko pang tinakpan ang aking bibig. Naramdaman kong gumalaw siya sa tabi ko, marahil narinig niya ang mga hikbi ko.
Sa pagkakataong ito ay dalawang kamay na ang ginamit kong pangtakip sa aking bibig. Nanatili akong nakatalikod sa kaniya. Habang pilit na pinipigilan ang sarili, wag lang makagawa ng ano mang ingay sa tabi niya. Pero hindi nakatakas sa akin ang mga impit ng sariling hibki at ang bawat pagtaas ng aking mga balikat.
Banayad niya akong hinarap sa kaniya.
My hands are trembling, followed by my shoulders. He gently wiped away my tears as he hushed me, trying to calm me. But the pain suffocated me to the point where I couldn't hold it any longer... it was as if the harder I tried to hold it, the more it wrecked me on the inside.
I close my eyes again, feeling the warmth of his hand. I had the thought that I'd never see him this close again. I open my eyes and continue to stare at him. I gently trace his face from his nose down to his lips, next to his chin, and down to his jawline. I trace his jawline using my thumb in a circular motion. I'm trying to remember his face—his features.
My eyes went down to his lips. I saw how he licked his lips; they became wetter and redder than usual. It's like his lips are tempting me. My eyes went to him. His eyes soften as he stares at me, full of adoration in his eyes—as if I'm the only one that matters to him.
I wanted to see this kind of beauty, but it'll never happen because I only have 6 months left before everything goes completely dark for me.
But can I kiss him? I've always wanted to embrace him as much as he embraced the monster inside me; I wanted to kiss the danger with him, but I knew if I did, I'd be selfish again for dragging him into the darkness.
I've known Lake for so long, and I know he'll easily give up everything for me—including his life.
Lake has always been ruthless when it comes to loving-as if he doesn't care; all that matters to him is me. He is always cruel to himself; he doesn't care if he's already hurting because of me. He'll kiss the monster in me without a second thought.
Unti-unti kong nilapat ang mga labi ko sa labi niya. Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko, kasabay nang pag-galaw ng aking mga labi. Naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang umakyat sa panga ko. Tinagilid niya ang kaniyang ulo at sinundan ang bawat ritmo ng aking labi.
BINABASA MO ANG
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