one year

three

[friends]

i have a small group of friends.
they're mostly all smart, so they're in other classes. they still leave me out a lot, and do a lot of activities without including me. while i'm in the corner songwriting, they were laughing with each other.

everyone else in school sees me as the "skinny freak who needs counseling that they'd be happy when they don't have to see my face anymore" -EXACT words of a girl at school.

i do have lots of "aquantinces" though. people that I've met once or people that i text occasionally...

the truth was my few friends were hardly considered friends. i've never been to any of their houses. which really separates me from them. they hadn't known each other longer, but they had chose them over me. my one closest friend was moving.

there were still those people who could always find a way to have a smile on my face and me in tears from laughing so much.

as for boys, there were a few in my life. i was always the rebound girl. three out of three of my ex-boyfriends wanted me back. but as i mentioned before, i don't want a boyfriend through cancer until death. i told everyone i "didn't want a boyfriend over the summer" but to me the words were as cold as ice. I didn't want one for the rest of my 'life'.

even though i appeared more Caucasian... my thick, coarse hair gave away my hispanic roots. so i was taken into the "Hispanic Squad". two mexican boys, one cuban boy, and me. two's a party, three's a crowd, four is a squad. so there were 3 of the boys in my life.

the "Bomb Squad" is for people who hit dingers (bombs, whatever.) in baseball and softball. i was going to try out for baseball, but I was on crutches the day of tryouts. so i became the baseball manager. the 12 boys became my brothers. the bomb squad is three boys, and me. as you can tell, i hang out around boys. they won't cry or mourn when I die.

that's good.

then there were the boys i've known practically since i came out the womb. the ones i met in Pre-K, Kindergarten, or first grade. the boys who literally were my brothers. there's about seven of these.

then there are the boys and girls that i just met, but have proved themselves to love me. i've learned a lot in the two years since I came to middle school. such as, the people you did think you know. like, some of the people that were your brothers and sisters. will leave you. they meet new friends who are bad influences to them and would rather chose the bad over the good.

my bestfriend for life. i met her in Pre-K. i begged her not to move when i started kindergarten. we would have gone to the same school. i doubt she knows how much i think about her. we would swing together at daycare together. but, her dad joined the military. they moved to Virginia. then after that, United Kingdom, then after that Colorado. where they said they're gonna stay since her dad retires. she has no social media so I'm left with pictures on Facebook from her mom, and memories. i pray that she stays safe and won't forget me, like i never will forget her.

lastly, my church family and friends.
going to church has given me so many friends that don't even go to my school. i just text them and they can always make me laugh. they are the people i can comfortably laugh and joke around with, because they don't judge me. i only see them maybe twice a week. but maybe that's less attachment, which is good.