one year

four

[family]

i come from a very large family. both of my grandmother's had five kids. Giving me eight aunts or uncles. i never met my panamanian grandfather, and my other grandfather died of cancer when i was three.

my only sibling is nine years old than me. he is married, in the military, and bought his own house. his wife has become my human diary and much more than a sister in law i'm "stuck with". she is my best friend, one of the only people i can be myself around. i spend every weekend at their house to be with them and to get away from my stupid house.
i'm allowed to go fourwheeling at their house. i have older friends through them that would beat anyone up who messed with me. seriously.

my closest cousin is closest in age to me. she is eleven years old. shen we were younger, we fought like cats and dogs. i thought she was so annoying. she was constantly copying me. but now that I'm older, and I realize she lives twelve hours away from me, and i only physically see her about two times a year, i don't take our relationship for granted.

she has a little sister, my younger cousin, she's five. she is so smart for her age, and they both grow so much in between the six months that i see them.

none of my family lives in the state as me. they either live twelve hours away (most do), fourteen hours away, in canada, or in panama.

my family didn't know about my cancer. it guilted me not to tell them. that when i'm with them i can't do dangerous things because I bruise too easy, often.

my other human diaries should be considered family. they're one grade, and two grades older than me. they knew about my depression, self harm, panic attacks, when no one else did.

my panic attacks will come back next year since they're leaving me alone in middle school. no more hugs. so the memories of them will still be strong, and that means the panic attacks will be too. but after eighth grade, i will be with one of them in high school, and then i should be good until she graduates.