one year

six

[therapy]

my chemotherapy has already begun.
it is too early for me to start losing hair, and if the therapy continues without progress, then i won't return to school in the fall. i will be too weak.

i broke my family's heart when i told them i did not want to take to STRONGEST chemotherapy. no one here on Earth loves me enough to care about me if i died, so i do not see a point in pushing myself to live for people who hate me.

the therapy targets the cancer cells.
obviously.
but, just like i mentioned before, i don't want the strongest treatment.
why make myself suffer when the cancer is already too strong, and i'm too far gone to save?

every weekend i go to the Children's Hospital in Atlanta.
of course i don't tell people that.
when they ask what i'm doing, i say "nothing", when really i'm in the waiting room waiting for my last name to be called. while adults around me send "oohs" and "aahs" and "stay strong's" in my direction after seeing how young i am.

at the hospital i am known to stand out.
i am quiet, and always calm, never scared to go through the weekly treatment. because i understand it's God's plan and why try to change something that he obviously planned. so why fight against it?

i pray before my lunch at the hospital.

i always play with the little kids in the courtyard garden.

i chat with the older grandparents, waiting to hear the fate of their grandchild.

i tell them that everything will be okay, and give them advice on how to handle a child with cancer.
something stressful on the parents especially, and whole family.

i always ask the staff if they have prayer requests.

i'm always smiling, or laughing.

despite the fact that i'm scheduled to die soon.

despite the fact that i'm living on a countdown, on a ticking bomb.

despite the fact that i'll just contribute to children lost to cancer, i'll just become a statistic.