Home - COD Simon Ghost Riley X Female OC

Chapter 45

She could feel tension radiating through him and her instinct was to try and relieve it. He seemed cautious about his drinking, but it wasn't something she was worried about. She understood it meant he was trying to find some relief. She understood that this was most likely closer to his natural state, and she wanted to give him space and peace. Show him that it was okay, it was a part of who he was, and she didn't need him to hide it. But he didn't seem to want to address it and she was unsure if it would make it worse if she did. He still let her close, so she took what she could get.

He was quiet, holding her there until she pulled away.

"You want to go to bed?" She asked, laying a hand over his heart for a second, just to feel him.

He hesitated, like he had something to say, opening his mouth and shutting it again before answering. "Yes."

He followed her, pulling back the blankets for her to lie down while he got ready for bed. She moved her computer onto the nightstand. She'd spent part of the afternoon sitting against the pillows and researching how to become a barrister, and finally reaching out to a contact at the embassy to see if there were positions they would be willing to chat about. There were options for her, once she felt this was permanent. Right now, she didn't feel sure. And she was settled in that. She didn't have to be sure.

Survival looked like this, just sitting quietly for a bit. She had doctor's appointments and press calls, emails to answer every day asking for her story. And she had Simon. He hadn't asked her to leave yet. He pulled her close every night and gave her a safe place, even if he was obviously struggling. Suffering. She wondered if being in this place was hard for him, she wondered if it was just the post-mission decompression, going back to civvies and quiet days and nights. Back to a routine.

He left the bathroom, turning out the light and climbing in beside her, his hair still damp.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Me?" She turned over, fitting her body against his. "I'm alright, Simon. I'm with you."

She could feel his heart, rapid, like he was nervous. She knew these quieter days were just a part of who he was, his personal process, but something else was wrong. He wasn't telling her something. She chided herself for feeling like she was entitled to anything in his mind, that he would let himself get worked up over something he didn't want to tell her. She didn't want to ask, become part of the problem, so she offered him as much gentleness as she could in hopes he would find a way on his own.

Most nights, when he was afraid of where his mind would wander, he would guide it to a particular night on the first base in Mexico. He'd been sitting in his place by the door when she walked out, thinking she was alone. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and she had stepped out simply to get a look at the sky. He had known that, for someone who had been through what she'd been through, to still understand beauty was a testament to her depth. And he had understood her beauty in that moment. Not because she was tall and caramel skinned with long, black hair and big, expressive eyes, but because of the fact that she still looked alive. She hadn't returned a ghost.

He was tired enough to fall asleep once she had, but as it had been for weeks now, it was rough, almost more exhausting than being awake.

He ran from the house where he'd stumbled upon the bodies of his family, left it burning in the background like a coward. He was unsure why it made him a coward, they were dead. Gone. Maybe he was a coward for not staying behind and letting himself burn with them.

He ran a long time, until his lungs burned with the exertion, and finally, he pulled to a sudden stop at the edge of a grave. His. The grave didn't scare him, death didn't scare him, but the voice calling his name from behind him did. He turned. Mariana, in the same sackcloth he had found her in was following him. And she didn't have his stamina, he had exhausted her by running and running and running. She looked weak, like she might fall. She called his name again and he stepped toward her. She was a safe place, if he could get to her, he wouldn't have to keep running.