Feeling Of Missing Out

Enough!

"Do you forgive me, yet?" That's an odd, awfully needy thing for Dysphor to open with. He's often so smug and almost unapologetically inhuman. Is it offensive to call him inhuman if he is literally not a human being?

"What would I have to forgive you for? The past is the past. This is about correcting it. Though I'm still not 100% on board with you taking my natural femininity away."

"I understand the frustration. But remember, you have never had natural femininity. That's really what I am to you. I am your natural femininity. Instead of having the right parts, puberty and proverbs, you grew up with me inside your head. And that's why even in the simulations, you needed to keep your little member. Without it, I don't exist. I'm both a blessing and a curse."

"OK. But I'm so confused. What happens to all the stuff that happened to the real Skye in the scenarios? I still remember it here, but does it exist on the outside."

"I'm afraid that certain lies had to be told to bring you on board, but it won't surprise you at this point to hear that. Will it, petal?"

"You keep calling me petal and I still don't get it. But yeah, I figured it was all a bit too good to be true." 

"It's not all bad. I have genuinely given you those keepsakes. And the photos may not really exist, but you will always know within yourself that it happened. This is about helping your mental state, not convincing everyone else of who you are. That's something that no one should feel the need to justify."

"Yeah...I suppose. So what do you really want to show me now?"

"Skye. Petal. I'm going to show you what your life should have been by making it yours."

"But how does any of this do that? You can fix my life inside my head but the reminders and mementos of my real past will haunt me in the outside world forever. Photos of a chubby, 10-year-old kid on holiday in Spain. Or pictures from the family weddings or even my own christening! It will all serve to nag at me for the rest of my life that I was a mistake. I...was a mistake. I...-"

"Trust me, Skye, you are not a mistake. You have a reason to be here. People love you for who you are, and they always will. Your past shouldn't define your present, but for you, it seems that it always will follow you around. So...I'm doing my best to change it. By taking you through the simulations as Skye, but having you live through and experience the full transition, I believe I can correct your flaws. But you need to trust that I have your best interests at heart, petal."

"Petal, petal, petal. I am not a flower!"

"You are to me. A flower that can either choose to wilt and die and suffer in her situation and her self-doubt and regrets of her silence in life...or blossom in new waves of chlorophyll and synthesis that the machine can provide you. The way I see it, you may as well see this out. You may find your perspective on life has changed forever."

"I'll go through with it. But you need to promise me that there are no more surprises. In fact, I want you to provide me with the rules of this whole dungeon."

"Rules? What do you mean? Don't chew gum? Set your mobile phone to mute?"

"I mean that you must tell me what I'm really here to do. No more pulling the rug from underneath my feet. I want the whole and honest truth."

"OK. The dream tokens and keepsakes were a myth. I manifested those to get you on board. I can still grant dreams, but they will now all be based on your life as if you are presenting as a transgender girl. So the next step is to live through the arrangements that Katie and eh, your dad, would have put into place for your new identity. You're not fully out yet, not by a long shot. But just ride the waves as they come and you'll find that you can do this. But before you do...something needs to be done about all that negative energy."

His eyes grow red, ignite and burst into flames which spark and spit and *FLASH*

"Wh-what? Who are you? Where am I?"

"Hello, Skye. You are eight years old. Your mission in life is to become a girl. You will remember nothing of anything else that you once were. But you have to trust me."

"OK. But who are you? And how can I become a girl?"

"I am Dysphor. I'm your friendly doctor! Once you've finished the many tests we have for you, you'll be free to go as a girl. It's just a few routine exams."

The strange-looking man presses and fiddles and turns the switches and dials and knobs in front of him and then leads me gently over to this large metal room. It has a single window of really thick glass on it and a bunch of gadgets blatantly marked 'do not touch'. I won't touch them, out of respect. And fear. I just stand, twirling in this really fancy, pink dress. Did I pick to wear this to the doctor's?

This ungodly pink glow consumes the room in its dazzling light and I lose all sense of anything. It feels like I've died, though I am sure to awaken soon.