Wings.

Chapter Eleven

Analise~ 

Reputation. What is it? I mean, I know the definition of the word. Why does it matter? If you were to look it up in the dictionary, it would say the beliefs or opinions generally held about someone or something. Who cares? If you're comfortable with who you are, why would it matter what another person thinks?

You can have all of the people in the world on your back, but if you know who are that shouldn't matter. But that's the thing.

Identity. 

You'd have to know who you are. You'd have to know your purpose. You'd have to know exactly why you're here. Do you? Most people don't. Most people don't find that out until way later on in life. Why is that? Why does it take someone their whole life to find out who they are and what they're meant to be? 

And about this whole love thing. That ties into it too. Part of being in love with someone is knowing the person, right? Right. So how do you claim to know someone enough to love them when you don't know yourself? 

Love. They say it is such a beautiful thing and beautiful it may be, but if it doesn't make sense on a psychological level what good is it?

You can't love without knowing. I suppose that means if you do not know yourself, you cannot love yourself? Okay.

They say love is blind. But why does it have to be ignorant? Why do we have to know to love? Why can't love just be ignorant and be left alone? They say ignorance is bliss. Does that make love bliss? One would have to be in love to answer that question. For one to be in love, one would have to know who they are and at the same time understand who they are in the eyes of that other person. That brings us right back to where we started. Reputation.

I sighed as I closed the worn notebook and slid it across the desk. I sipped on a Strawberries and Crème blended frappuccino and chewed my thumbnail while trying to conjure up a new piece of the pattern.

"I really wish you would stop that."

I rolled my eyes and placed my hands in my lap. He circled around me and pulled up a chair next to me. 

"What have you gotten so far?"

"I'm going in circles here."

"Ah, circles. Never ending. No progression. Continuity. You look a little flustered."

"I am, I've been working at this for hours, and I'm getting nowhere."

"You say that you're not getting anywhere. Let it take you."

"Wha...huh?"

My English professor chuckled. His hair was a soft mound of white that complimented his pale skin and black eyes.

"That's all today Ms. Rodriguez. Your work is great and your growth is outstanding. Give yourself a break."

"Thank you."

"When will I see you again?"

"This is our last meeting before break."

"Are you going away?"

"Yes. I'm going to visit my father in Georgia."

"Well congratulations. I'll see you when you get home. Travel safely."

"Sure thing."

I put my laptop in my bag and headed for the door. The New York City air was crisp and damp. The pavement had a gloss to it because of the slight drizzle. I inhaled the soft light raindrops and proceeded on my short walk to my small apartment.