"i act like i don't fucking care because i'm so fucking scared, i'm only a fool for you."
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Valentina
HOW MANY SECRETS CANI possibly keep before I succumb to my own infidelity?
That's not true- I'm not cheating, I'm not dating anybody. In my mind, I'm married to my best friend from District four who gave his life to ensure I won our games. In my reality, I'm the girl everybody believes is dating the victor from District Four, the girl Finnick believes is in love with him.
Every love I've ever known has been fake, forced, too much too fast. Finnick is different, I think, I hope. Things with Finnick happen behind closed doors, where we watch movies on Capitol rented discs until the sun rises and we laugh as if there isn't a war going on outside.
But how could I ever love Finnick, no matter how perfect he might be? How can I love this man knowing we are both soon to perish and I cannot save him, and he cannot save me, not again.
So I will deny the fact that I'm truly, hopelessly and entirely in love with Finnick Odair. Because I cannot admit that to him, and I am not yet ready to intertwine my soul with another.
"I missed you too." I confess to Finnick, trying to ambush my thoughts, and he pulls me into his arms even tighter than before, tears streaming down my cheeks.
It feels so right to be in his arms.
I don't know how long we stood there for, because at one point my legs gave way and the two of us tumbled to the floor in a heap of limbs, holding one another and trying to block out the screams.
The screams had turned to Alexander's voice at one point, and I had buried my face into Finnick's shoulder, trying to block out the voice of my past lover, trying to pretend he had never died at all.
Peeta's voice is what breaks us all out of our trance. "It's okay. It's okay, they're gone. The hour's gone, the hour's up, it's all right."
He immediately embraces Katniss who seems to melt into his touch, and I lift my head to make eye contact with Johanna, who makes her way over to us.
"Are you okay?" She asks Finnick first, putting an arm over my shoulders as I stand onto my feet, her supporting me.
He just nods silently, his eyes not leaving me for a second, and Johanna sighs out in relief before turning to face me.
"Where the hell have you been?"
"I was with Chaff." I confess, digging the heel of my wet-shoe into the dirt.
"Where is he?" Johanna questions.
I don't reply and the conversation comes to an abrupt end as she nods at my lack of response, seeming to understand me all too well.
