Broken (AU Calum Hood Fanfiction)

LXIX

Calum's POV:

I love her. So much.

I seen the lack of hesitance that was exercised when she said she'd come with me. Not a second of doubt, not a millisecond of question. Just willingness and readiness. Such a high level of unfounded trust and such a low level of suspicion - a mix that could either reap the greatest of benefits or leave her with nothing because she gave it all away without a second thought.

What she said burned, though. That she wants to forget. We both want to forget for different reasons. We understand each other too well. We know what we need and we know to let the other do what they must, to stand back and let it happen but be there for the emotional cleanup.

And the cleanup is usually a fucking mess.

I don't want to fight with her on this, because truth be told, I want her by my side. I want her to be with me always. I want her in the light and the dark and the grey periods of my life. But I'm so damn confused right now. I just want to get lost in something. But maybe I shouldn't be looking for something, maybe I should be looking for someone and maybe I already found that someone. Maybe that someone's wearing a white t-shirt and those damn black skinny jeans that make my chest ache and those stupid shoes that make her arse look so good that it causes my head pound. Maybe that someone's standing right in front of me, irises pure and clear and piercing as ever as she rakes a hand through her brown hair. Maybe that someone's the light in the otherwise darkness of everything right now.

She looks good. More than good. And I'm so damn infatuated with her. With the smooth and curving transition of her waist into her hips, with the way her nose scrunches up when she laughs, with how her hand finds mine in the absentminded moments of daily life. With her. Everything about her.

For a millisecond my mind wanders to the ring box that now sits in the top drawer of my dresser, buried under jeans. And for another millisecond I allow myself to realize what an amazing person she'd be to spend the rest of my life with.

But I push that all away for now because that all seems so far away and there are things that seem so much more pressing.

...

I can't stop glancing over at her during the drive. I can tell by the smirk on her face that she knows it, too. The air between us is electric in the most painfully thrilling way and I find myself wondering how I can feel so alive when all I felt this morning was dull and lifeless. But I know the answer to that - it's her. It'll always be her, I think.

I pull up to the address that Luke texted me earlier, a frat house with students spilling out every which way. You can tell by the stagger of the girls' who teeter along the sidewalk that the liquor is already flowing inside.

"Are Michael and Luke already here?" Jackie asks, swinging her legs out of the car after swiping red pigment across her lips in the rearview mirror.

"Uh, yeah, I think so." I answer, watching her walk ahead of me, her hips swaying with each step. She's just teasing me now, but I don't mind in the least.

I follow her through the door, keeping close to her as the crowd gets thicker with each step. "You wanna cope? Lets cope." she breathes into my ear in reference to my earlier statement. My eyes follow her as she pulls away and takes a shot of some clear liquor that's lined up across the coffee table in the living room that's already packed with rowdy students on winter break. I grab one and follow suit as I watch her nose wrinkle in response to the sour shot.

I pull her to me eagerly, finally feeling her curves underneath the palms of my hands as the rhythm of the overly-loud stereo sets the tempo. After a few minutes she gently pries my hands off of her hips and walks backwards toward what appears to be the kitchen and holy hell does the fire in her eyes look like trouble.