Jetstream (Hawks Angst)

suicide

When Hawks got back to his apartment he sat down to make a plan.

Soon was all he could think. He had to die soon. He didn't think he could live through another week. Or even another day.

He had to do it as soon as possible.

He grinned to himself masochisticically. He was so happy it was all going to be over. He was so happy he wouldn't have to live through his whole life anymore. He had an extension chord under his bed next to the laundry basket with the bloody clothes hidden in it.

Yes.

A noose, a chair from the kitchen table, in his bedroom. He'd leave a warning note taped to his front door and his bedroom door so any unsuspecting neighbors didn't become too traumatized when they discovered his suicide.

He set it all up best he could, his dislocated shoulder making everything much harder than it would usually be.

But he managed.

He sat down at his kitchen table and began scribbling out his suicide note the best he could. It was made out to Mirko and Dabi, the only two people who knew he wasn't the happy hero he showed the world.

He didn't get to finish before the doorbell rang. Hawks pushed out of his chair tiredly, pulling his bedroom door with the noose hung inside closed, just in case.

He assumed the door to be a package. Maybe a new makeup kit from the commission to hide his bruises or something he ordered when he was drunk without realizing.

But when he opened the door Mirko was standing there.

"Hey... Work again. Can I stay?" She asked, her voice not as cheery as usual, her phone held tightly in her hand.

"I'm sorry is there anyone else you can stay with? Today isn't a good day." He said weakly, managing a smile to provide her some last comfort. He hated rejecting her and telling her to go away when she needed him to be there for her.

But he had to do this tonight. Tonight.

He didn't care what happened to his shit after he died. He didn't care where his money went or what happened to his company, it was all written and controlled for him by the commission. All he had to do was remove himself from the equation and everything would take care of itself.

Her eyebrows furrowed, "are you okay?"

At that he just got irritated. He had even smiled at her! So why was she asking about his well being? He didn't want to answer, he just wanted to be alone. He wanted to die. He wanted all this to be over.

"I'm fine! I'm just- I just need a night alone today." He tried, attempting to get her to leave.

"Have you been drinking again?" She asked.

Hawks huffed. He wished he was drunk for this interaction. So drunk he wouldn't remember it.

But it was fine because Mirko would leave and it wouldn't matter after tonight.

"I'm not drinking and I'm not drunk, I just need some quiet." He told her, recollecting his last bits of patience.

"Well good thing I'm not loud!" She said, pushing her way in.

"You can't just- Rumi!!" He yelled, following her inside, trying to get in front of her and herd her out. His last bit of patience had run out.

He had to do this tonight. He had to. He didn't want to sit down and think about it he didn't want to think anymore at all. He'd wanted this for too long and it was finally happening, he was finally getting what he wanted for once, in control of his own life. The end of his own life.