All Your Lies And Promises (Eremika)

Reflection

What do you see when you look into a mirror?

You often see what others don't, maybe chapped lips, eyes blood shot and skin paler than usual from all the blood draining away from your face.

Staying awake all night not being able to shut
your mind off, the only way of getting a peaceful sleep is to smoke. 

But it gets to the point where it's a bad habit that immediately needs to be cut off since relying on any substance is bad.

but letting go of that one thing is just as hard as saying goodbye to anything that gives you a reason to keep going, so in all actuality there's a ton of shit not helping to quit.

Everything slowly builds and builds and eventually it's the tiniest thing to push you over, push you so far you won't even recognize yourself and can't help it being rude, can't help taking out the anger on innocent people that don't even know what they did wrong.

But it's fine, everyone expects that you'll be fine, because you are just that person. the person that will be fine in the end but in reality you're dying on the inside.

Oh well they'll get over it...?

so many expectations to uphold it can get confusing to tell the difference from what you're feeling and what others want you to feel.

—Eren's pov—

When I look back at my memories from childhood I can remember a warmth, the memories always in a soft yellowish glow, children laughing in the background while it was just a warm experience.

I think everyone gets confused on what to expect from teenagers, adults and people in general always have some expectation for teenagers, such as go to college, get a job, get a license, move out young but make sure to live your youth years before you get to old, but how are teenagers supposed to live out their youth years when people have so many unrealistic expectations for them?

If you struggle with grades and have to put more work in you'll most likely have to give up a extracurricular activity, you'll have to make sacrifices maybe not go out as much as you use to and I tell myself it's fine it's better to work hard for my future.

But then you find things piling on top of each other and the smallest thing could tip the scale , but even before everything breaks you notice the changes in yourself, more bitter, meaner, selfish.

just a matter of time before everything shatters.

———

You know what I hate? I hate liars.

despise them actually, I guess you could call me a hypocrite but it's different when your lie has something to build off of and can be interpreted different ways, but lies that come out of nowhere meant to hurt people.

Now thats a cause for some karma, and i'll gladly be that karma.

Grabby the ugly green dye from my bag I snuck into the girls change room, yes I know. it's a creep move but there's no one in there minus one girl who's all the way in a different stall.

keeping my eyes low to the floor I crouched to the bench holding a bag full of shampoo and conditioners, pouring the green dye in the shampoo bottle I closed the lid and tossed the dye in the trash and snuck back out.

Looking down the hall there was no one around so I could easily leave without being caught, hands in my pockets I walked down the hall whistling to myself.

I didn't really feel bad about what happened the other weekend, truth be told.

I felt nothing for Ackerman so why would I feel bad about how I treat her?