Molly-Jane Walter

Chapter Twenty-Five

A week goes by, and the arrangements for Mr. Harding's funeral are in order. The funeral is being held today. I gently help Gilbert do up his cravat. We are both dressed in black clothing, as is the custom for funerals. Charlotte and Lillian were dressed in black dresses identical to their mother's mourning dress. I place my hand on Gilbert's cheek and he reached up to cover my hand with his. "It's time, my darling," I whisper. Gilbert closed his eyes and nodded. Hand in hand, we make our way to the family cemetery. All through the funeral we do nothing but cry. Gilbert can't bring himself to speak at the funeral, and instead buried his face in his hands. Mr. Harding is buried, and we throw flower petals on the dirt that marks his grave. I cover my mouth with my hand, choking back a sob. I don't want to accept that Mr. Harding is gone, and I don't think Gilbert wants to accept it either. Charlotte buries her face in Laura's skirt while Lillian buries hers in her mother's skirt. The women wrapped their arms around the small crying girls. Albert is back inside with a few of the maids; I didn't want to risk him remembering this. I don't want him to remember what happened to his Grandfather because of a long battle over a man who couldn't have the woman he loved. 

After the funeral, we head back inside. The servants had placed out on the table tea, biscuits, and other various food. I can't eat anything and so sit down in the Library, staring into space. Gilbert came to sit beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I lean my head on his shoulder, and both of us are quiet, not saying a thing. Outside, the wind has picked up, howling and making a fuss. I suspect that there will be a storm coming quite soon. Gilbert got up off the couch and walked over to the window. "You know, when I was little, my father was the one who taught me the importance of family," Gilbert said quietly. "He taught me that family is the most important thing in life, and without them, you're nothing," And then he burst into tears. I get up and rush over to him, throwing my arms around him from behind. He turned around and I pull him to me, burying his face in my shoulder. Things just aren't the same without Mr. Harding. And I have no idea how we're going to get through the pain. At least we have each other. 

We stand by the window, our arms wrapped around each other, staring out at the pouring rain. Thunder crackles and the wind continues to howl. I rub Gilbert's back, trying to bring him just a little bit of comfort, even though I know that is pretty much impossible right now. Gilbert really depended on his father's guidence, and now that he was gone, Gilbert felt so lost. He had no idea what to do now, and he needed his father. I knew how angry he was at Arthur, how he wanted to murder that man himself for what he had done, not just to his father, but to me and the rest of his family. Arthur would eventually be caught and hanged, but it was so hard to convince Gilbert that we just had to be patient and that justice would be served. "I just don't know what to do, Molly. Everything's so messed up, my life feels like it's falling apart," Gilbert whispered. I wrap my arms tighter around Gilbert. "Not everything is falling apart. You have me, Albert, your mother and your sisters, and trust me, Gilbert, we aren't going anywhere," I whisper fiercely. Gilbert looked down into my eyes. "I'm just so glad you're here. I can't get through this without you," He told me, his voice choked. "I'll always be here, you know that," I reply, as I wrap my arms around his neck. He pressed his lips to mine in a passionate kiss, his hands cupped my face. We pull away, breathing hard. "I'll never leave you, my darling. I promise, I'll always be here, no matter what," "That is music to my ears," Gilbert whispered tenderly. 

A couple of weeks go by, and Gilbert seems to be getting better except for the times he's distant. "I'm going to sort out some business with the people who are renting my father's cottages. I'll be back soon, Molly," And he was gone. It was times like this that I wished I could ease the pain. Everything I had tried, playing the piano, singing, reading, even trying to cheer him up with cuddles from Albert, nothing worked. Mrs. Harding had shut herself away from the rest of the world. Charlotte and Lillian missed their Papa terribly and threw themselves into their school work that Laura prepared on a daily basis for them. No one was handling the pain very well, but Gilbert wasn't handling it at all. He would often sit up late at night staring blankly into the fire in the Library, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. I had sat beside him many times, urging him to get some sleep, but each time he sent me away, saying he wasn't tired. That wasn't true, of course, as I would find him asleep on the Library couch at ten o'clock in the morning; late by our standards. Weeks turned into months, and gradually the pain did ease. After many months of suffering depression, Gilbert finally came out of the woods. He no longer stayed up past midnight nor did he sleep until mid-morning. Instead, he slowly came back to his old self, which relieved me greatly. It took a long time, but in the end, Gilbert was the same old Gilbert once more. Mrs. Harding too, seemed to have moved past the pain, and Charlotte and Lillian were very resiliant. One morning, Gilbert asked me if I should like to go for a walk.  Gilbert and I make our way around the lake and I decide to share some exciting news. "Gilbert?" I say, trying to keep my voice even so as not to give anything away. "What is it, darling?" "I have some exciting news to share," I grin. "Well out with it then!" Gilbert smiled. "I am with child!" I announce. "Molly! That's wonderful news!" Gilbert picked me up and twirled me around, making me laugh. "I know! I'm so excited!" Gilbert gently placed a hand on my stomach. "Do you reckon it could be our little Catherine?" Gilbert asked. "Oh, I do hope so. Otherwise I would be surrounded by boys!" We laugh until we are out of breath. "Would you fancy dancing with me around the lake?" Gilbert asked and bowed. "Why, sir! I would be most honoured!" I curtsey and Gilbert and I waltz around the lake. The sun is shining and little butterflies flutter from flower to flower. "Has the doctor examined you yet, my angel?" Gilbert asked me as we headed back inside. "He has, and he said that I am quite healthy," Gilbert breathed a sigh of relief. "Shall we tell my mother and sisters?" Gilbert grinned. I nod and grab his hand, racing to where Mrs. Harding and her daughters sit in the Front Parlour. We tell them our news and they are beyond excited. The girls immediately begin to place bets on the gender of the baby, and of course Laura and Robert's children join in, making us all laugh. Mrs. Harding told me to enjoy being with child, because for her it passed with the blink of the eye. I look at Gilbert and smile.

I have weekly checkups from the doctor, who is very happy with how healthy I am. He warned me that I was not to over-excite myself at any cost.  Although I feared the pain, I knew that bringing a life into the world was the most amazing gift of all. It felt like the blink of an eye before the baby's due date. This time, it was at six o'clock in the evening. We were all sitting down for dinner when the pain started. "OH!" I cry, clutching my stomach with one hand, my other hand clenched into a fist. "Molly?" Gilbert asked, alarmed. I squeeze my eyes shut as the pain comes more sharply. "I think it's time," I grit my teeth, clutching my stomach even more. Gilbert jumped up and started to rub my back. "Gilbert, go fetch the doctor, at once! I'll help Molly," Mrs. Harding told her son, who nodded and ran off. "Charlotte, Lillian, come with us," Robert said gently as he led the girls and his children into the Drawing Room. Laura and Mrs. Harding helped me to stand, but it was so difficult with the pain. Many times I cried out, and they would assure me that we were almost to the bedroom. They helped me to lay down and Laura handed Albert to one of the maids. "Molly, here, lean forward," Laura said gently as she placed a cold face cloth on the back of my neck. I squeeze Mrs. Harding's hand, my face sweaty. "GILBERT!" I wail. "My dear, he has not yet returned, you must keep breathing!" Mrs. Harding told me, as she covered my hand with hers. "I need him!" I gasp, trying to breathe evenly. "Molly!" Gilbert came into the room, the doctor close behind. Mrs. Harding moved aside and Gilbert moved to sit beside me on the bed to support me. "Do something!" He ordered the doctor as I cry out in pain again, breathing hard. The doctor pulled equipment out of his bag as I scream in pain. "Is that really necessary?" Gilbert demanded the doctor, who didn't say a word but simply nodded. "Molly, listen to me. Darling, I promise, I promise, it will be over soon. You can do this, I know you can. You are strong, amazing, beautiful, and so brave. I know you can do this," Gilbert whispered tenderly, as he pressed his lips to the side of my head. I try to nod along with his words but end up wailling in pain. Mrs. Harding pressed a face cloth to my forehead, her face full of worry. Laura assists the doctor, having been a midwife to my cousins and I. "Molly, dear, you need to spread your legs more," the doctor told me. I try to do as he asked but the slightest movement sends a fire through me like nothing I have ever felt before other than in childbirth. My vision is blurred with tears, and the pain is beyond horrible. Yet, through it all, I manage to bring into the world a beautiful and healthy baby girl. There's only one problem. She isn't breathing.