Why I did it

Chapter 3

He hasn't texted all day. And my texts aren't going through. Why did I hit him? "Hello??" My best friend of 6 years' voice cut through my thoughts. I shook my head and gave her a small smile. "Aight, who the fuck do I need to kill?" She smushed my cheeks, "who made you sad?"

I shook my head from her hands and spoke in a flat, monotone voice. "No one. Me I guess." I sighed and rested my head on my arms. She placed her hand on my back, I don't wanna tell her. Ariel doesn't even like him. Lost in my thoughts again I could barely feel her poking my head. I felt a slap and looked up to glare at her. She just shrugged.

"How else was I supposed to get your attention? Now tell me what happened." She brought her hand to my back again and started rubbing it. She listened intently as I told her the events from the night before. Her face screwed up and she pursed her lips when I told her what Chase had said after I said no. And her mouth fell open, "you actually punched him?"

I nodded slowly, just as she was about to cheer the bell rang signaling the beginning of class. She gave me a thumbs up and signed 'celebration' as our math class started. I rolled my eyes and zoned out, going through the motions of my day. Not really feeling, not really paying attention. Pulling my sleeves further down my arms as I noticed deep welts begin to form, some starting to bleed the more I scratched.

The bell for lunch rang and I got a text from Chase telling me to come outside. I went out to see his truck. His stiff silhouette showed through the window. I felt my chest clench up as I opened the door to see his bruised and cut lip. Lowering my head I climb into the truck. Confusion rang through me as he never moved. And just sat there. I opened my mouth to say something when, "I think we should break up." He sighed and his body language said this was the last thing he wanted to do. I scoffed internally, he was looking for a reason. "Your behavior last night proved that you're not ready for a real relationship. These last two years have been amazing. Good-bye."

I laughed a bit under my breath. He looked at me shocked and waited for my answer. "Ok." I opened the door after and he grabbed my arm repeating what I had just said. Twisting my arm out of his hand I looked back at him with tear pricked eyes, "don't fucking touch me. You don't deserve that. And you don't deserve more than one word from me."

"Rae, I-" I held my hand up.

"Save it. Go to that girl you've been talking to behind my back. Yes I read the messages." I jumped from his truck before he could utter another word and slammed the door on him. Walking away I just started laughing. I heard his truck drive off and I fell to my knees, laughing and crying.

After about five minutes I stood up and wiped my tears, feeling nothing. A wave of numbness and relief flooded my body as I walked back inside school. The rest of the day went by in a blur. Chase kept trying to text me but I would ignore his messages. No sense in apologizing now. Like trying to beat a dead horse.

Friends messaged me asking if I was okay. Ariel, of course, cheered and started pumping her fists into the air. Rolling my eyes I tried to focus on my current doodle, two snakes intertwining.

At the end of the day we said our goodbyes. And I walked back to the bus just in time for my stomach to growl. Oh yeah, I wasn't able to eat at lunch today. Chuckling to myself I stare out the window focusing on anything that would distract my thoughts. Listening to whatever music felt right. When I got off I felt like I was walking on automatic. Not really thinking, not even seeing. Watching my feet take the turns I needed to. Never looking up, just listening to my music zoning out.

Aren't you tired of this?

I stopped looking around wildly. W-what the hell? Whose voice was that? It's deeper than my own. Yet sounded familiar.

You know me, child.

I unlocked the door to the house and let out the dogs. Still wondering where I heard this voice from. Why it sounded so familiar. Motherly almost.

Shaking my head, I let the dogs in, falling on my bed before starting my homework. As I was working on my trigonometry homework, I felt my eyes burn and saw a dark spot appear in the paper. Touching my face I realized I was crying again. Weird. I felt nothing.

My phone buzzed, and i looked down to see a text from Ariel.

-You doing okay sweetie??

I type back "yes" then throw my phone down and get back to work on my homework. My phone buzzed again and I rolled my eyes at her reply.

-Cut the B.S. you're crying aren't you.

Before I could even start typing back a reply she started to FaceTime me. I quickly wiped my face and answered.

"Knew it"

"Shut up" I rolled my eyes, my mind wandering to the events of today. Ariel's voice drifted into the background as I imagined an alternative ending to today. Before my mind me could knock him out, Ariel's voice brought me back to the present.

"Hey dumb bitch, you listening??" I shake my head and look at her. "I'm gonna take that as a no." She sighs over dramatically and rolls her eyes. I do the same. "I said- bitch don't roll your eyes at me. I said, ''I would've loved to see the look on his face when you punched him.'"

Her eyes lit up in malice content. And she tried to imagine his shocked face. Probably imagining tears streaming down. My mind went back to that moment again, reliving the sickening pleasure I felt when my fist connected with his face.

Shaking my head I looked at her and told her that I was gonna let her go for the night. We disconnected and I pulled out my sketchbook. Finishing my drawing from earlier today, adding the last final details. As I was finishing up the last of the shading my eyes started to blur. I shook my head again and put the sketchbook down. Laying down on my bed to try and focus my eyes again.

When everything went black.