Why I did it

Chapter 4

I'm... burning. My body is engulfed in flames. Blue and green flames lick up my body, and kiss the area around. I'm screaming. But no one can hear me.

I can't hear myself. I scream in pain, in frustration, in... fear. Parts of the flames take the forms of them... Their fiery grasp reach out to me. The flames parting to look like smirks. I'm terrified. The smoke starts to ink its way down my throat. Tears stream down my face as the smoke burns my eyes. Their hands touch my face....

My eyes open slowly, blinking out the bright sun as I slowly sit up. Rubbing the tiredness out of my eyes, I look around at my surroundings. Looks like I passed out in the living room this time. I winced as my arm brushed on the fabric of the couch. I looked down to see a bruise circling my arm. My heart sped up, racking my brain trying to remember what happened.

Was this here before I passed out? All grogginess disappeared as I stared. What the hell? Wait, this. It looks like a-

A hand, that voice. I told you, I'm a part of you, child. This is where they grabbed you in that dream isn't it? Are you sure it was just a dream?

I paused. I thought it was. But looking at the bruise I couldn't be too sure. It scared me. But also, fueled the fire growing in the pit of my stomach. A dull, aching flame that wound its way through my senses until I was filled with nothing but wrath. Anger in its pure form as I remembered how I let them treat me.

Shaking slightly I rose to my feet and padded to the bathroom, splashing water on my face. Looking at my reflection I was taken aback. Blue and green eyes ringed with red. As if I had been crying. Maybe I had, I couldn't be sure. I finished washing my face and walked to the kitchen. I poured myself a glass of water. Hoping the cool liquid would quench the heat bubbling through my body. It did little. But it helped. That little voice in my head kept trying to rile me again. I just pushed it down as I stepped out, putting on my favorite sweatshirt and sleep shorts. Dropping onto my bed and pulling out a book to read. Trying to quiet my mind with black ink on the page in front of me.

It did little to help. Once again feeling that fire lick at my belly and spread throughout my body. The more I tried to push it down the hotter it burned until I couldn't focus on anything else. Closing my eyes to try and shake the feelings off. But all I saw was red. I opened my eyes again and decided to call it a night. After all this was nothing a little sleep couldn't fix.

That night I was ridden with nightmares. There were bodies and blood every where. I stood atop them with a knife in hand. Blood coagulating on my hands and in my hair. Panting I look over to the black storm cloud hanging over head. Blue and green lighting shining through the cracks. Parts spidered out and reached towards me. It wrapped around my arms and legs leaving me motionless. It wound its way up my frame and pushed past my lips, my nose, my ears. Any place it could find to get inside me. It scratched up my throat leaving me teary eyed but helpless.

I woke with a start grasping my throat and gasping. I looked around and just saw my room lit by the early hours of the morning. Panting I lowered my hands and pulled my hair out of my face. It all felt so real. I wiped my face and brushed the tears away, laying back in bed. Staring at my ceiling wondering what was happening.

This went on for a few more weeks. Every time I closed my eyes. All I saw were bodies and blood, slowly getting used to the images. Slowly coming to find comfort in them. My anger got worse and I snapped at different people for a minagery of things. That voice in my head becoming more persistent, and I wondered if psychosis finally took over. Chase tried to reach out multiple times saying he made a mistake. That he wanted another chance. That he wanted to talk. And at some point something in me snapped. And I decided to give him that chance. So I agreed to meet up with him. And sat in waiting for that opportunity. Planning and plotting for every outcome of this. Every one. But one.