Why I did it

Chapter 7

The next few days flew by in a blur. My phone kept going off, people texting me. Sending condolences. Asking how I was holding up. When I was coming back. Stuff like that. It got old fast. I sat in my room, in the dark, just staring at the wall. Smiling softly at the meme out of the knife hitting him. How the blood felt pooling in my hands.

I heard the messenger notification go off and my head snapped over to the direction of my phone. Standing up I walked over to it and looked at who messaged me. Tony, haven't spoken to him in a while. Memories of when he dumped me flooded my mind. I had just lost my grandfather when he left. The only person who truly cared. Shaking my head I read the message:

-Hey Rae. I know we haven't spoken in a while since... Well, you know. I was wondering how you were holding up??

Odd, I thought. I sent back an "I'm doing better" text and put my phone down. Wonder why he's texting after all these years. He wasn't the worst either. My thoughts were cut short by another notification, him asking if I wouldn't mind if he came over with food. He knew I hadn't been eating apparently. I agreed and he said he was on his way.

20 minutes later I hear a knock at my door. I throw on a jacket and go answer it to see Tony standing there. A sonic bag in hand. I let him in and he went to sit on the couch. I sit on the opposite side and we sit in awkward silence. Before I can ask if he would like a drink he turns to me and apologizes for what happened all those years ago.

I hold up my hands to stop him and tell him I forgave him a long time ago. "I mean come on dude we were young. Badly timed breakups are a given at that point." I laugh. He doesn't. He moves closer and looks like he wants to say something but decides against it. I inwardly sigh in relief. It probably would've made things more awkward. Instead he opens up the bag and hands me some food. I take it and turn on Hulu.

I hand the remote to him and he quietly puts on American Dad and we sit in silence until we finish our food. After I threw out the trash and sat back down, we ended up sitting right next to each other. My mind raced as I could feel his body heat on me. I wanted to lay my head on his shoulder but felt it would make the atmosphere thicker. It felt hard to breathe until I looked over to him watching me. His fingers fidgeting the way they usually did when he was unsure of something. His hand jerked towards me then went back to their original position. I glanced back up at his face to see his dark eyes looking anywhere but me. When they finally fixed themselves on my eyes my phone went off and we jumped apart. I quickly picked it up to see a text from my mom. Asking how I was holding up and that she was sorry she hasn't seen me recently. She's picked up extra hours, her and my dad, so I don't see them as often. Which was sparse to begin with. I quickly answered her back that I'm okay and laid my phone back down before settling back on the couch.

As a new episode started, Tony put his hand on top of mine and squeezed it. I smiled at him and laid my head on his shoulder. He tensed for a second and I lifted my head up. Thinking I had crossed a line but he relaxed and I laid my head back down. We stayed like that for the next few episodes. Until my mom came home and opened the door. She looked at us and we looked at each other. He looked back at her and stated he was trying to help a friend. She looked at me and gave me the total mom look. Tony said his goodbyes and left.

Before my mom could say anything, "we're just friends mama. That's it." She closed her mouth and nodded.

"Dinner?" She asked. I told her I wasn't hungry and retreated back to my room. I closed the door as soon as I felt the heat break over my face. I'm gonna get so much hell for this. Not just from my mom. But Ariel too. That was the last thought I had as I changed clothes and laid my head down to sleep.