H.O.P.E

CHAPTER 3

It hurts, it hurts everywhere, I can't  move. I am in a room staring at the brown ceiling. Physically it hurts but emotionally I feel numb. I want to cry but the tears wont fall. I want to scream but I can't find my voice. I want to feel something, anything. This pain is not enough. I reach for the cutter on the floor lying beside me and bring it near my hand , SLASH. I can feel  blood trickling down my hand, physically it hurts but emotionally I still don't feel anything, there are no tears. I grow desperate, I want to feel.

"I am not a monster." I chant in my head.

I am not a monster SLASH

I am not a monster  SLASH

I look down at my hands, there are two new cuts but I still feel nothing there are no tears. I throw the cutter across the small room and scream finally finding my voice. I can hear their voices in my head teasing me, calling me a monster, telling me I am a ugly , I can feel their judging stares on me, I can feel their disgust for me, I can feel his hand all over my body, I can feel his leather whip hitting my skin, I can hear them laughing at my emotionless state, I can hear him telling his friends about how I am a monster how I don't react to anything, to any pain. Disgusted I drag myself to the mirror in the room and look at myself in the reflection. All I see is a thin girl staring at herself with emotionless eyes, there are numerous cuts on her bloody hands and legs. I look at my reflection and wonder why am I not good enough? What is wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Why cant I fit in? Why am I an emotionless monster? I punch the mirror and stare at my bloody fist. Suddenly I hear the door opening of the small room I turn around and find myself staring at the most brilliant green eyes.

"AAAHHH" I wake up and look around frantically. It was a nightmare  I realize. I can feel sweat trickling down my neck. I don't try to sleep again I know its worthless. I sit at the window seat and stare at the similar cuts on my hand. People say I'm lucky. From a poor orphan I became an heiress to an empire overnight. They get jealous of me, and want my life my status they want to be me.

I laugh bitterly, they want all this because they don't know I am an emotionless monster.

I still can't cry just like in my nightmare. I am a type of person who likes to keep to herself. I have only one friend of fucks sake. I have these walls around myself, they suffocate me but I am used to it. I am immune to any emotion, any pain. I have everything inside bottled up waiting to burst, but it never does.

My eyes are pretty unique, captivating, but, if they look long enough they find a cold blank surface. It is said that eyes are the window to the soul . My eyes have nothing because my soul was destroyed in that orphanage. I might have a hard exterior but inside I am a broken girl who just wants to feel, who is desperate but she does not want anyone to break the hard exterior, because once they get a glimpse of the broken girl with a lost soul they'll run, because that girl is honestly beyond repair.

I look at my scars again and trace them with my finger. Everyone has their demons, their fears. My demons are my past. I am told to forget and move on. How can I forget? My brain, my heart, my soul is scarred for life. Time passes, memories fade, feelings change, people leave, but a heart never forgets. My past is a part of me and honestly, a part of me doesn't want to forget, because I don't want to forget him. I shake my head to clear my mind or I know I'll have an anxiety attack.

I walk to my bedside table and grab the anti-depressant and sleeping pills, swallow them and as soon as my head hits the pillow I find myself going into a deep dreamless sleep.

The next day I woke up with bags under my eyes and a killer headache. I made my way to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. I saw a plate of delicious chocolate chip pancakes I took them and made my way to my room but only to be stopped by Mrs. Nancy, our cook.

"Miss Mia," she began. "Your parents would like to have a word, they're having breakfast in the garden."

I made my way to the garden with my breakfast in my hand. I saw my mother look up, upon hearing my footsteps.

"Mia darling" she said, "sit down and have breakfast with us. Your father and I would like to have a word."

I nodded and sat down beside my father. My mother looked at me with defeated eyes and said, "Mia, your father and I thought a lot about what happened yesterday. We did not realize that we were suffocating you. Darling we were only trying to protect you, not only because you're our only daughter and we have a lot of rivals out there who can hurt you, but, also from the selfish people and mostly yourself. I remember when you first came here, so fragile, so guarded. You would scream at night and those scream still haunt me. You would'nt even let us hug you. All those trips to the therapists......." she sighed. "We were just trying to protect our little girl. But we realized that it was too much. So we have decided to let you go with Mr. Scott."

I looked at mom with wide eyes. "You're letting me go?" I asked shocked .

"Yes." Dad replied, "but, we have conditions. You will call us every two days, before midnight. You will be staying with your Aunt Melinda. It turns out your cousin, Claire goes to the same high school, you will be going in. You will listen to her and behave. And we don't want you to go around breaking rules and getting into fights. If we here a complain you're coming back."

"OH MY GOD, mom, dad I love you guys!! Thank you so much I won't let you down, I will do exactly as you say, thank you so much!!" I said, practically jumping on my seat. "Excuse me I have to call Mr. Scott, make arrangements and pack my bags." I said running to my room.

''Hello"said a throaty voice."Hello Mr.Scott this is Mia Anderson speaking"." Okay please hold"said the voice.

A few minutes later Mr. Scott was on the other line."Hello Mia what can I do for you?"

"My parent gave me permission and I would be more than happy to go with you to California". I replied. "That would be great", he replied." I will talk to Mr. Collin the headmaster of Venus High. You can live with my family, I will arrange everything".

  "Thank you for the offer Mr. Scott but I have my aunt in California and her daughter is a student of Venus High. My parents talked to her and everything is settled".

" That is spectacular Mia you just need to bring some requirements I will email them on your father's account. I will pick you up in two weeks".

"Okay Mr. Scott thanks again for the amazing opportunity,  good bye and take care".

I went and sat on my bed. I could not believe my luck, yesterday I was arguing with my mother about freedom and now in two weeks I will be in California.