forever and always(Leah Williamson)

Part 25

It has been a week since the passing of my parents, I decided that today would be the day that I go back to training, everyone grieves differently and right now I still cannot process any emotion, the last week has consisted of sleeping, trying to think of a world without my mum and dad, I know that it will eventually hit me but right now I need to focus on my career.

Once I'm up I take a cold shower and do some skin care as my skin feels grey, once I'm ready I try to eat some toast, the only thing I have ate this last week, which I know is bad but I think if I eat anything more I will most likely be throwing up. Over the last week leah has been messaging me asking me if she wants to come over and if their is anything she can help with, the only thing I wanted to do was say yes but I couldn't because sometimes when your grieving you make rash decision and I know if I was to do anything stupid I would hate myself.

Driving to training was a blur in fact every day since my mum and dad left this earth was a blue. Muscle memory drove to training not me. Not Olivia. Once I arrive I take a deep breath preparing myself for everyone to treat me differently, which is not what I want but I know how people can be, feeling sorry for you and not really knowing what else to say. I can see that majority of the other girls cars are here meaning they have probably already started while I was just trying to get myself out of the car. I informed Jonas yesterday that I would be coming to training so all the girls probably know.

Once I finally get out and head into the training grounds, i enter the changing rooms and Katie and Beth are their putting on their football boots. I'm assuming everyone else is already out on the pitch. "Hi" I say to them as I enter "hey Olivia" they get up and walk towards me pulling me in for a hug "how are you" Katie asks. How am I? I don't even know the answer to that. "Yeah okay" okay? Really Olivia how can you be okay? "Excited to get back to training" Beth says as she breaks away from hugging me, thank god she's asking about training and not my last week. "Very, feel like I haven't kicked a ball in ages might be a bit rusty." I say and they both giggle. I know this must be just as awkward for them as it is for me. They wait on me getting changed which was nice and we head out. As we're walking out I take a deep breath "your going to be okay, you ready to kick butt." Katie says as she puts her arm round my shoulder "always, thanks" I say and they giggle, as we are walking up to the rest of the girls they are standing in a circle and Jonas is talking to them, I can feel everyone looking at me, as we slot ourselves in the circle Jonas says "welcome back Olivia" and gives me a comforting smile, I smile back and I can feel a certain set of blue eyes searching for mine, I look at them and she smiles. That smile could make me forget about all my problems I send her a smile back. In todays training we are working on movements within the penalty area, and penalty's in general. It takes me a few minutes to stretch and warm up as I have been lying in bed all week. As I guessed I'm a little bit rusty and I keep missing which is making me frustrated and everyone can see that. I'm up next to take the penalty and everyone is watching usually I thrive off this but not today it feels as if my nerves are magnified and I cannot concentrate, again I can feel her blue eyes searching for mine again I look up and look towards her, she nods and smiles, i close my eyes take a deep breath preparing to take my shot. I run towards the hall and kick it with full force into the top left corner way out of reach for the goalkeeper as she thought I was going right. One of my old tricks. I feel the weight lift off my shoulders, I've still got this I'm just getting in my own head. I see Leah clapping and smiling, I really need to talk to her.

After training everyone heads for the locker room. I decide to walk up to Leah, "hi" she says "hi Leah" I reply "how are you" "I'm getting there, just taking it day by day." "Yeah that's the only thing you can do Olivia, listen I have been wanting to talk with you all week, would you by any chance want to watch a movie tonight or something I totally understand if you-" "yes I would love to" I interrupt before she could finish. Their is no denying my feelings towards Leah I know I cut things off with her but I've missed her.   "Really great, I would offer my place but I'm kind of in the middle of house hopping as I am looking for a new apartment." "You can come to my house don't worry, 6 o'clock?" I offer "sounds perfect to me" she reply's and we give eachother a smile.