Of Blackjack and stepping up

mothers arent all that great

(Very dark chapter, very triggering, soon ligth will come I think)

Alex the next morning needs more coffee than usual.

He will make it through the day alife. He can't afford to die today. He will survive today.

He doesn't want to live, but he will not die by her hands.
He wears extra thick gloves, pulls his usual turtleneck extra high and makes sure to cover his whole face with makeup to let not one scar show

He works his shift with his usual smile. It's a cover, but his boss seems to not mind.

"Alex, I wanted to tell you how proud i am of you." They smile. "You have really come far since being 16. I am glad to have employed you."

"Thank you, Res Smith. Would you like a coffee?"

"No, I just felt like none really tells you that stuff so I thought you might like it."

He feels bad. He isn't really this happy. He isn't even fine really. But he appreciates their sentiment.

He continues work until his shift is over, when Porter picks him up.

"Do you really want to do it?" The slightly taller man asks him.

"Yes. I decided I must."

Porter takes his hand. The other's warm medium brown skin tone stands out against his almost blueish pale one. "Alex, you can now still back out."

"I won't. I must get to her. I need to get this knowledge."

"Alex, this plan is still insane, but promise me, stay safe and if you happen to see her promise her I will come save her. She needs it I think. I miss her so much. I pretty much forgot my hygiene even worse than with her. She always had some way to get me to take care of myself and I felt like it had a purpose to properly take care of myself. I not only miss her for helping me but also miss her.  I wish to see her again as soon as possible."

Alex doesn't need to be a genius to know he means Emily.
"I will make sure."

They spend the car ride in silence.

Alex doesn't let the slightest glint of fear slip. He is an adult.

He still feels similar to that poor little boy he remembers being, deeply afraid. He would love to hug him and tell him they survived.

But he can't. Not yet.

He has come a long way from that frightened child, but it's hard to say if it was a good way. He can't tell.

"Please promise me you will be carefull."

"I will try."

"Also, promise me you won't let her get in your head."

Alex almost laughs. If Porter only knew how close to the truth he really is.

"I will try."

"Thank you." Porter squeezes his hand. "I will see you then"

Alex gets out of the car. He quickly makes sure he is neat, ties his hair back without covering his face and tries to fix his posture. It semi works.

He rings the doorbell.

"Katherine Johnson will soon attend to you." Amy's voice comes out of the speaker. She seems to have become a secretary. Alex doesn't care what his older sister does. She could for all he cares about be dead.

Alex smiles, the most fake one yet.

He feels like the world's most twisted actor.

He breaths once again. After this he is going to shower probab-