I See Red // Crowley

18 || I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE

For the last twenty four hours, Selina had been an unwilling participant in what she was describing as mind-numbing, and constant, speculation about how she managed to control Crowley's hound. To tell the truth she couldn't care less about the hound itself let alone how she controlled it – as she had already kind of guessed the answer to that question.

It had to have been because of Crowley, who was pretty much the only thing, or person rather, that she actually cared about right now, which is why she was doing her absolute best to block out the incessant ramblings of her brothers and their many theories. Some of which ranged from her having once "bathed" in the blood of a fellow hound, her having walked directly into hell as opposed to only her soul going, and the more plausible of them all, her being Lucifer's vessel.

Obviously none of those were even remotely true, but Selina couldn't exactly tell the truth about how she controlled the hound without exposing her relationship with Crowley, so she simply continued to ignore them and instead tried to focus on how she was going to go about fixing said relationship.

Or worse, how she was going to end it.

Ever since she told Crowley to go, Selina had been debating with herself constantly, about whether being in a committed relationship with the King of Hell really was a good idea after all. She knew from the very moment she started having feelings for him that it probably wasn't, hence why she had resisted Crowley until she physically, and emotionally, couldn't anymore. And even now she still wasn't fully convinced that their relationship wouldn't end in anything other than heartbreak but at the same time she wanted to be with him. Hell, at this point she needed to be with him, as every single second of the day that she wasn't with him felt like agony.

Especially now, when all she could think about were those text messages, which would then morph into disturbing images about him and some other woman that left her feeling sick to her stomach.

Selina knew exactly why this whole ordeal was so hard for her. Why the thought of ending the relationship, regardless of any suspected infidelity, was utterly heartbreaking. She was in love with him. She was so deeply, so madly in love with Crowley that even the mere thought of losing him was enough to make her feel utterly paralysed and at this point, she had absolutely no idea what to do next.

"Hey," Sam said softly, giving Selina a gentle nudge which forced her to fall out of her thoughts and back into the real world, allowing him to continue, "are you doing okay? You've been picking at your food since you sat down."

"Yeah," Selina exhaled, forcing a weak smile that she knew Sam would see right through yet she didn't have the energy to care about. She pulled her hand back from the table, where it had, indeed, spent the last... however long since Dean and Castiel brought the food home, picking at her fries. "Yeah, I'm okay. I guess I'm just not that hungry."

"Rowena did say that the side effects of such powerful magic can cause loss of appetite," Sam replied, as though trying to ease his own worries as under normal circumstances, Selina would have demolished that burger and fries. And sent Castiel off for seconds.

"I still can't believe you called Crowley's mother for advice," Dean muttered, shaking his head briefly as he shoved the last of his fries into his mouth and subtly eyed up Selina's untouched meal.

"Crowley thought she could help," Sam said in defence – of his own actions, of course. He'd never defend Crowley, regardless of the strange friendship he had with Selina that prompted him to recommend Rowena to them in the first place.

At the mention of Crowley, Selina's stomach began to churn so much that she actually slid her entire meal across the table towards Dean, whose eyes widened like a child opening presents on their birthday. She then stood up, downing the last of her soda as sometimes the fizziness would help settle her stomach and she was really hoping that would be the case here as she truly couldn't take feeling like this anymore.