I See Red // Crowley

26 || A STROLL DOWN MEMORY LANE

As Selina's eyes fluttered slowly open, she half expected to have been greeted by the comforting surroundings of Jody's living room. She had known all too well that the likelihood of Castiel bringing her back was incredibly high, and even despite her brief smile in the face of death, she'd have had no qualms with being so swiftly resurrected.

After all, she hadn't wanted to die... Necessarily. All she had wanted was to feel peace and in her last moments she'd gotten that. She'd gotten what it was that'd she wanted — a moment during which she was able to feel a sliver of what it was like to no longer be in such excruciating pain that it hurt to even breathe — so she was fine with being brought so quickly back to life.

Like she had said moments before the vampire struck, it was time for her to move on and start living her life again. But in order for her to do that she kinda sorta had to actually have a life first, as she couldn't very well begin her healing process if she was dead now could she? Therefore, Selina had been highly anticipating getting to experience another swift and sudden resurrection, yet when she opened her eyes she found herself, not in Hell as she might have expected or in Jody's as she would have hoped. No, instead...

Instead, she found herself lying on the cold, yet eerily clean floor of Death's very own library.

Why she would ever be in Death's library again without demanding to say goodbye to a family member or bringing him baked goods, Selina had no idea. But she was quick to peel herself off the futuristic floor and get to her feet, using a nearby shelf to help steady herself as she wouldn't lie, she was a little lightheaded and was beginning to wonder if she was actually dead or if this entire ordeal had been nothing more than a strangely realistic nightmare.

A nightmare did seem rather plausible given the circumstances, however the pain she had once felt in her heart had been far, far too realistic to have been nothing more than imaginary and so deep down, Selina knew she was dead.

So, once she was sure she would remain upright, Selina removed her hand from the book-filled shelf and began to tiptoe slowly towards the end of the aisle, praying that she'd bump into a reaper-librarian at some stage in her travels in order to receive some answers. Or better yet, that she would run into Death himself as who better to give her those answers than the literal embodiment of eternal rest?

It's not that she was particularly eager to see the Horseman so soon after their last encounter, during which he'd bluntly told her to get up, get over herself and stop moping before he killed her, but she was rather curious as to exactly why she was here rather than downstairs rotting in Hell like she could only guess her demise would result in.

From the day Selina first grew feelings for Crowley, she always knew she'd be going to Hell. That when she died she'd never see the inside of Heaven again as how could she? How could someone who'd fallen in love with the King of Hell ever think they'd be granted entry into the kingdom upstairs? Sure, she'd done some good in her life. She'd saved the world a few times and even sacrificed her soul for the greater good but would all that have really outweighed who her heart belonged to?

Would all that good have been able to mask the essentially bad way in which her love was directed? Selina honestly had no idea, but she always knew it was likely. She always knew it was a possible risk and yet, despite her deep seated fear of burning in Hell for all eternity, it was one she had been willing to take if it meant finally getting to be with Crowley — who, deep down, part of her always knew would look after her when she inevitably died and her soul descended into the flames, so to be honest that fear hadn't bothered much these days.

If anything it hadn't bothered her at all, as she'd been far more worried about the idea of having to tell Dean who she was dating, which now that she was thinking about it a little, didn't seem as scary as she might have assumed as chances are, he wouldn't have overly cared. He'd said it himself that he'd never seen her happier so would he really have taken that from her by killing Crowley or forbidding her from seeing him?