I See Red // Crowley

17 || MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST GO

Growing up, Selina wasn't what you would describe as a stereotypical little girl. She wasn't obsessed with princesses or fairy tales. She didn't play with babies or dolls — unless Dean's army men counted, as when it came to toys, that was the only one John ever allowed her to actually play with.

It wasn't until she started staying at Bobby's did Selina even find out that Barbie dolls were a thing as he'd offered to go out and buy her one if it meant she got a chance at a normal childhood. But by then she was too far gone, and instead asked him to teach her the basics of hunting, which at first Bobby wasn't too fussed about doing given her age, but after finding out that Selina would often cry herself to sleep any time John told her that 'little girls don't hunt' then continuously yelled at her to stop asking, he was a lot more inclined to do so if it meant she wouldn't have to go through that again.

Funny how John would tell her little girls didn't hunt yet anytime she tried to act like one, he'd shut it down almost instantly. Hell, at one time he'd thrown her stuffed rabbit out the car window because he said it looked "too girly", and to this day it still broke Selina's heart to think about her bunny lying all alone on the highway, getting splashed by passing cars and left to wonder why she'd abandoned him.

To tell the truth, John didn't even let Selina experience looking like a little girl, let alone anything else remotely similar.

Any time her hair would get too long, and by too long she means shoulder length, John would cut it until it resembled something like Dean's, despite the fact that Selina would cry and beg him not to until she was literally hoarse. Even her wardrobe consisted of Dean's old clothes, all of which were either too big for her or had holes in the neckline from where he used to chew on them, and because of that, for the majority of her childhood Selina would often get mistaken for a boy.

However, she was never allowed to say anything about it, not when she knew what John would do to her if she did.

Selina had learned the hard way about how far John was willing to go in denying her her childhood when she'd been brave enough to ask him if he'd get her a new stuffed toy to sleep with at night. She hadn't realised then that it was the anniversary of Mary's death and that John had been drinking, meaning that instead of a simple answer to her question, he hit her.

And that wasn't the only time he'd raised his hands to her either. She'd never forget the day Bobby saw the bruises and asked her what happened, to which she broke down in tears as she told him, and the second John showed up to collect her, Bobby pulled his gun on him. Obviously he didn't shoot him, despite how much he wished he could, but that was the last time he ever saw John, and the last time he saw Selina until about six years later, when she'd just turned eighteen and had had enough of John's tyranny over her.

By then her style was fully set in stone, and whilst it may have been a case of she still preferred shopping in the men's section as to the woman's, she didn't overly mind because at least then she got a choice. Even to this day her style remained the same as it was, with some slight difference in that she was a little more gothic now and often liked to show off her assets whenever she could by wearing stuff that was a tad bit too small for her.

However, there was one thing that changed more drastically than anything else, and that was, her hair. When Selina left she finally got the chance to get rid of the blonde that she couldn't help but think was the reason behind John's behaviour towards her. She finally got the chance to grow her hair out to any length she wanted and to experience what it felt like to have long, luscious locks.

And no matter the circumstances, or how much blood ended up caked in it after a hunt, she never ever cut it any shorter than just above her waist.