Thikaana

Forty Two

Sana stood out in the balcony still as shaken up as she was the minute Sidharth had said what he did. It had now been about fifteen minutes but she was still rooted to her spot. She was suddenly finding it very hard to even go back inside or look him in the eye. His intensity, his fierce gaze and the conviction in his words, it was all sending her in a haywire of emotions and sensations. Nobody had ever said any such thing to her & that too with so much power that it shakes her entire being. What was truly beyond her was the fact that how his words alone can have that effect on her & awaken such strong desires inside her which she was truly unaware of.
Sana stood against the railing after he left and tried to calm herself down but it was of no use. She could constantly feel a throbbing down there and there were constant tingles all over her body as if somebody just set a live wire to her body. It was hard to out in words, the kind of things she was feeling. It was all so new to her, so ..forbidden. Forbidden because like he had said, there was a whole world out there that she was absolutely blind to.
There were things, feelings, desires that she had only ever read or heard of but never had she imagined to feel them like this. Being with Akshay, knowing him so well, it never did anything to her. So this whole world of maddening desires, she was totally new to it. Before meeting Sidharth, she wouldn't even think of such intense feelings to be a part of her life, ever. That however changed, the moment she met him. His strong aura always made her go weak in the knees. She would often find herself going to forbidden territories even when she had initially met Sidharth. The urge to see him without a shirt, the urge to touch and feel his strong muscular arms, all these had been there right from the beginning, messing with her head. Now, when they had already crossed so many barriers and she had experienced so many things with him which she was so unaware of earlier, it made all the difference for her. she now wanted to learn more and more, do more and more, see more and more, all with him. He made all the difference. Everything they did felt so personal to her, so theirs, that the sanctity of it all increased a hundred folds for her.

The fact that Sidharth confessed something like that to her was blowing her mind away. He, who had lived such an experienced life prior meeting her, who was so well aware and so learned about everything, he chose to become that vulnerable in front of her and let her know what she did to him or what effect she had on him. He probably didn't realize what that meant for her and what it did to her. It made her feel so strong, so confident about herself, so happy. She was almost spiraling down the self-doubt path earlier when he seemed reluctant every time she tried kissing him but hearing the reason from him, it filled her heart and soul with inexplicable happiness and giddiness. She felt so alive, she wanted to jump in to his arms and kiss the life out of him and just show him what he means to her & what he does for her, every single time.

She felt this maddening surge of love and desire course through her veins for this man as she turned around to go inside. She had this huge smile plastered on her beautiful face because that is what he made her feel, so immensely happy. She walked in and he wasn't there in the living room. Her eyes roamed around the entire place to look for him and when she didn't find him there, she knew where to go. She slowly slid back the balcony door, closing it and breathed deeply getting ready to go face him. She could still feel her heart thudding inside her chest with every step she took towards his bedroom. Once she reached the door, she slowly pushed it open and the moment she did, her face fell and her eyes widened. What she saw inside, wasn't something she was expecting to see at all and she felt like her heart sank inside her chest.

He stood there, his side to her as he had a bottle of whiskey in his hand and a glass in the other one. She saw how he had this maddening grip on the bottle and because his side was towards her, she could see how his jaw was tightly clenched. She stood there at the entrance of the door seeing him pour in some whiskey into the glass and just gulp it down before she could even process what was happening. He gulped down the bitter liquid all at once & slammed the glass a little loudly on to the rack in front of him. She flinched as he did and came back to her senses.