Too Bad, So Sad.

chapter sixteen: mother

Love has never come easy for me to accept. I'd always questioned the sincerity behind those three words–words that sounded more like a curse than a blessing. Three words that trap you into a fucked up web of half truths and shared burdens. Even when I liked Razz I knew her "I love yous" were bullshit. I knew she had an ulterior motive when she uttered those sinfully beautiful three words. The weight behind "I love you" terrified me. However, in this moment in front of such an ethereal young woman the words came out naturally.

These three words were reserved for Salem Greece and Salem Greece only. Her startled open mouth, eyebrows shot up, and her cheeks flushed red makes her extremely endearing. Her hand still cupped my cheek comfortingly albeit she was shaking a little. Her bottom lip began to quiver, her blinking increased.

"I love you." I repeated.  "You’re worth a million muffins and more.” Salem’s breathing grows heavier, her blue eyes twinkling. “I missed you so fucking much I was going insane, you were gone for three weeks and I felt like my world collapsed. Do you understand that? I worried you’d never return to the point I tried to go back to Razz knowing I didn’t like her, I just needed her.”

“Y-you missed me that much?”

“I couldn’t get you off my mind, the real reason I went to the party was to distract myself from missing you, wanting you but in the end I couldn’t escape you–not in my head and most definitely not physically.”

“Sorry..” Her apology was useless. I'm not mad about it anymore.

“Shh no more apologies. Salem Ares Greece I am in love with your very being. You kissed me better, far better to the point that you mend my wounds. I wish to do the same and then some.”

Salem kisses me gently with tears streaming down her rosy cheeks. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I missed you to the point that if I stayed away any longer I’d be thrown into a madhouse. I’d close my eyes to see your smile again, such a pretty smile. Did you know your eyes turn into crescent moons and your cheeks have a very faint blush when you smile? I noticed by staring long enough to watch it fade away.” She chuckled somberly, “I was pathetic. I cried the following Thursday and I drove myself to the lake waiting  in my car to see if you would show up and I felt relieved and heartbroken at the same time that you didn’t come.”

I wiped her tears away. “I wanted to but I couldn’t..I wouldn’t be able to control myself.”

Salem removed her hand from my face,  positioning herself on my lap, clinging onto me. “What’s past is past, all I care about is the present and my future with you Honey Soojin Sie. I know how hard it was to say it out loud, those three meaningful words and I hope you know that even if you hadn’t said it out loud I already knew. I’m not going anywhere, I’m here to stay. Thank you for blessing me." She mumbled into my neck.

"I love you. I want to love you. I need to love you. I do love you. I mean it." Salem Greece is loveable, she is strong, and she won't end up like her mother. I'll kill for Salem, I'll live for Salem but I won't die for her–I have to live. I'll fight with every fiber of my being–Salem is the one I love. "I will protect you and prove to you everyday, for the rest of my life that you deserve the world."

"I love you too." I finally heard her say it back–she said it over and over but hearing her say it now after those three words left my lips meant everything. It sounds so sweet, so honest.

"Will you let me do everything in my power to protect you without intervention? Will you trust me?"  The sensation Salem gave me is light and weightless, I want to grant her the same honorable sensation that keeps me at bay. I need reassurance that she truly trusts my capabilities and will continue to trust me to do my job as both a bodyguard and as her girlfriend.