Too Bad, So Sad.

chapter twelve: screwed

Three weeks ago.

The days felt longer in the absence of my mystery girl, it felt like I was stuck in a loop trying to find meaning in the smallest things. I couldn’t stand to look Razz in the eyes because I would crave my mystery girl’s icy blue eyes that sometimes grew into an indigo color when she zoned out or got frustrated. I yearned to run my fingers through her hair, and stare at her heart shaped lips and watch the corners of her mouth twitch into an awkward smile because I was shamelessly checking her out–I wouldn’t notice until I saw her cheeks flush red and her awkward smile appear. As embarrassing as it was to get caught I enjoyed seeing the stone cold woman turn into a jumbled mess because of me.

She became someone important so fast and now that she’s gone I feel like a major part of me has vanished. I know I shouldn’t feel this way towards a girl I don’t know and that Razz should continue to be the girl I like but tough shit.   I don’t think it’s possible not to like her. She’s on my mind more than Razz and I hate myself for keeping her in my thoughts when Razz is right in front of me. I’m pathetic.

I grabbed my phone, checking the time. “Fucking hell where is she?”  It’s 5:40am and Razz should be here soon. “Whatever she’s probably dressing up for Kel, yuck.” My attention turned to my lock screen, a smile crept on my face and I could feel heat in my cheeks.  The lock screen previously was Razz and I but I switched it to a picture of my mystery girl standing under the streetlight with a bright smile on her face. She was wearing a tight red dress to match the phone case I gave her. She demanded I take a picture because she wanted to give me a cute picture to hold onto. It was a shitty day and her insistence of me taking a picture of her cheered me up, she was being annoyingly cute. She was posing with the phone, it was against her cheek and she gave me the biggest most goofy smile I’d ever seen. I want nothing more than to see it again.

“I’m here. Hurry up.”

I rolled my eyes not replying. She needed to chill out with her attitude. It's starting to piss me off more than usual. I purposely walked slowly down the stairs to piss Razz off. She’s the one messing with my feelings and wasting my damn time. I have every right to do the same. Or at least that’s what my mystery girl told me. As soon as I got down the stairs I checked the kitchen for signs of my aunt and fortunately she’s nowhere to be seen. She must’ve gone to work without saying anything–thank God. I didn’t want to deal with her nagging about my outfit and hair choice for today. And I definitely didn’t  want to drink her spinach smoothie. Acting like she’s doing it for my health, she could give less of a damn for my health. She just wanted to punish me for not liking spinach–just like my mom. Any characteristic I had from my mother did go unnoticed by my aunt, she made a point to signal it out and scold me as if I were my mother and not her niece. Her projection encourages my violent ideations.

“Wru? Get the fuck over here!”

I definitely need to go hit someone later if I don’t I might go ballistic. No breakfast for me, my mystery girl is going to be pissed but she’s not here to find out so I’m in the clear.

I dragged my feet to the front door, opening it to reveal an infuriated Razz. She’s wearing a black lacy halter top, a hot pink mini skirt and knee high hot pink leather boots–Kel will eat this up I’m sure. She looked good but not as good as my mystery girl. I rolled my eyes pushing her out of the way, proceeding to lock the door and slam it shut.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” She sounds like a banshee. I should’ve brought my airpods.

“Look Razz we’re already late as it is and I got a lot on my plate okay? Not everyone is getting fucked and lit every night. I got shit to do. I do my homework and I actually work hard to keep myself from losing it and right now you’re not fucking helping.”