Now I was barely seventeen with a pocket full of hope
Screamin', dollar and a dream with my closet lookin' broke
And my nigga's lookin' clean, gettin' caught up with that dope
Have you ever served a fiend with a pocket full of soap?
Nigga I can tell...
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• • • ('-ω-')
I can't stay in this house. Something in me is going crazy and I can't even control the shit anymore. It's like I keep waking up angry with not one motive. Feels like I have no reason to be here. When I started thinking about suicide is when I knew I had to get the fuck, asap.
I've never had a thought of that a day in my life until last night. Mama wanted to argue again and somehow my Papa came up. She uses him a lot and that just works my nerves. Mainly because she knows how I feel about him and she still does the shit. If it were me bringing him up she would silence me so quick.
She's backhanded and a gaslighter. I don't get how she doesn't feel when she's wrong. Yea I may be wrong for what I said to her but oh well. There's been plenty of times when she's made me feel like shit, not once have I gotten an apology. I don't care anymore.
Then she wants to say I wasn't like this last year. I was her sweet girl that argued and let it go. Now it's like I have no soul.
Instead of trying to help me find out what's wrong with me, she want to argue more. That's not how shit works and she's driving me insane herself. Whether she knows it or not.
She's leaving again today for another job, I won't be here when she gets back. It doesn't matter where I have to go, but it won't be here. I'm gonna go withdraw all the money from my account that Papa left me and i'm leaving. Now that i'm 18 I can access the account without the help of Mama, so i'm good.
I know how to survive on my own. I've sold drugs before, that's nothing new to me. It's easy as hell. I know how to plant a weed and watch that shit grow, I know how to make it out here. They won't even have to worry about me. I'm about to start putting me first and focusing on my future.
I've been begging to move out since I turned 17, now i'm 18 and still being told no. It's dumb as hell. But i'm over that now, they're not holding me back.
I don't care what I have to do. This is my life and Papa always said to take control of me. I'm listening to what he said and i'm about to take over. It's only right.
"Where you going? Why you packing stuff?" Beyoncé walked in my room the moment I started packing. It's so late. Like very late and I was about to leave. My brothers aren't here so i'm thinking that she's with them. I guess I was so wrong. "Hello?"
"I'm staying the week at Amalas." I lied. Well not really because I am going to Amalas but i'm not staying for the week. Just for tonight because I don't want them to follow me if anything. I'm not dumb, theres people out watching me.
