Stay with me

..1..

They say the definition of addiction is  the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity

Me I wouldn't call what I have an addiction; I would call it a lifestyle I've adapted to well, one of them. Let's just say I have major OCD  everything must be clean, and I must be cleaning every second of every minute. I guess you could say I adapted this little lifestyle to distract me from what you call the real problems.

I have a major drinking problem. When I have a drink, I just can't stop at one, and it doesn't stop there when I drink. That's when the real trouble begins. Here are the top five things  I seem to like to do when drinking

1. Sleep around with so many random guys

2. Take drugs

3. Steal

4. Drink until I black out

5. Self-harm...

My little problem started, you know, probably how every other addiction started. I was a young teen of 16, yes I know, young. I was at a party trying just to fit in and be cool, and well soon as that bitter taste touched my tongue, I was hooked, and my mind just kept telling me," oh yes, just have a little more it won't hurt " in my case, it did hurt, and it hurt a lot.

Each year as I got older, I did get that little bit wiser and knew I needed to cut this out. This wasn't the life I wanted to live at first it was hard but then it slowly got easier , I studied for a degree in journalism  and got a job at my local hotel as the cleaner, and this is where I found my love for cleaning  just something about seeing everything neat and tidy made my mind feel clear and set I like it so much that I work seven days a week night and day my parents have some concern that Im overdoing it but I think they are just a relieved that my other problem is contained well at least for now

And that brings us to the current point in time  Im freshly 28, it's the year 2022, and I have been working at the hotel for nearly four years.  It was going so well with not drinking. I have been sober for four years and haven't even thought about drinking, but my OCD has gotten somewhat worse. Some days cleaning was a lot more important than sleeping and eating....

So with you all up to date, I guess this is where we  begin the real story

" Addie, rooms 45, 62 and 87 need towels, and 41, the toilet needs a very big clean, and could you please was the linen as I couldn't get anyone into the laundry today as Mille has called in sick once again," I write down everything Hilary my boss had just asked me to do. as I go to put the note pad in my pocket she gives me one last task" oh and one last thing  I won't need you for cleaning tonight I'll be putting you at the bar instead as Josh wants to swap. Your the only one I'm comfortable with switching " my jaw drops; yes, one of the requirements was to get a permit to sell and serve alcohol, but not once in my four years here have I ever had to work in a bar, so there was no temptation for me at all.

"Hilary, I've never worked in the bar. Surely there is someone else that can take the bar place instead of me " Hilary raises an eyebrow at my sudden panic. To tell the truth, Hilary knew nothing about my little secret, and that's how I wanted to keep it as I knew if she found out, she would not let me keep my job " I'm sorry, Addie, but I have no choice Megan is under age, and Roger  Doesn't have her permit, and it's just for one night " I sigh heavily and knew at this point if  I didn't want to explain everything to Hilary that  I should just shut up and not argue.

" ok, I'll do it, "  I say, slightly annoyed. All she does is give me a great big smile and sends me on my way to complete everything that I needed to do before my shift at the bar tonight, but there was one stop I needed to make. First, I reached the linen cupboard and found who I was looking for " what the fuck Josh you know I can't work the bar " at first, he looked shocked, but then all the shock was replaced with guilt " wait she asked you I told her Tahlia would do the shift as she has worked in the bar " I rub my forehead in annoyance "so your telling me you had the shift covered and Hilary just was like nah fuck it lets put Addie in the bar even tho she's never worked there a day in her life "  all he replied with was a slight nod as  I think he knew that if he even said one word that it would piss me off that little bit more but just even his nod pissed me off.

" Nah fuck this shit", I yell loud enough just for Josh to hear as I quickly storm out the room