The Symbol Of Darkness

㊳Can You Pretend?

 
Everything felt numb; the sound of the door closing and the feel of Jungkook’s presence nearing him were a blur to Taehyung’s senses. He didn’t dare to raise his head.

Jungkook came to a slow stop in front of him. He studied the sunken expression of his lowered face and the redness of his nose, as if he had been crying.

He couldn’t take it any longer. He couldn’t fight with his feelings any longer. He missed him. He missed him so much it finally drove him insane, and there he was, after ditching his work, ready to beg for his touch. For him. Nothing else mattered at that moment than to feel him close.

A thin layer of wetness blanked out his eyes as they traced over the ruefulness that was deep-rooted in Taehyung’s once vivid features. “Tae. I don’t care about anything right now.” He strove to keep his voice steady, but it disobeyed him; it shook and came out as fragile as a butterfly’s wings. “I only want to hold you like before. Like when everything was okay between us. Can you let me please?”

A path of tears trickled down each one of Taehyung’s cheeks, though they shone over forcibly contracted muscles. He cleared his throat, knowing his voice would break and sound gravelly if he spoke right away. “I think it’s better to... talk first. Because you’ll regret asking me this when I tell you—” His words silenced when he noticed him bridging the short distance between them with a single hasty stride.

A mire of ravaging anxiety smoldered in Jungkook’s gut upon hearing his remark that led him to efface the gap between them and ring his waist with his arms. Taehyung was about to tell him everything. He could see it in his contrite expression. He could feel it in the ripples of sorrow Taehyung’s existence radiated. And he wasn’t fucking ready.

“Don’t tell me anything, okay?” he released tremulously, the wetness in his eyes now a breath away from cartwheeling. “At least not for a little more. Let me hold you first.” Without waiting for a response, he clutched him to his body and nestled his chin against his shoulder.

“Fuck, I missed you. Really.” Jungkook drew in his intoxicating scent, feeling his senses spin with it. “You’re in my mind every fucking minute, Tae. It’s like a constant heaviness to my chest that doesn’t let me breathe properly.” He pulled back, keeping the lower part of their bodies fused together, and rubbed the said chest with force to mollify that heaviness, but it didn’t relent even a little. Then, he curled his arm around him again, clasping him hard, as if scared to let him go.

Taehyung’s tears turned into a fast-flowing outpour the moment Jungkook held him so desperately. He maintained still and stiff, with his hands grasping his own sweater at the sides where they hung so he wouldn’t surrender under his longing to wrap them around him. “You’ll hate me so much, Jungkook,” he drawled, voice already hoarse and broken, just like his heart.

“Can you pretend? Just for a little more, hmm?” Jungkook whispered as he placed his knuckles underneath his chin and lifted his head after a moment’s struggle, since Taehyung resisted at first. Although he still didn’t meet his eyes, Jungkook could see the harrowing remorse in them and the lurking flood of tears. He smoothed his hair back and cradled his wet cheek. “Can you pretend for a little more for me... like you did this whole time? Hmm? Please.”

A gut-wrenching horror struck Taehyung right in the center of his chest at his words, paralyzing each one of his senses and locking his muscles. That horror emptied him, lacerated his heart, and demolished the floodgates of his tears, leaving them to rush down his shock-stricken face. The silence grew impossibly suffocating, and time didn’t seem to flow anymore.

Taehyung’s wooly eyes crept upwards to lock with his. And he realized. He realized as he gazed at the whirl of pained emotions in his eyes. He realized at the tears that rolled down his cheeks. He realized at the strained scurry of his breathing.