Gloom & sunshine

Chapter 7: Nervousness

Awsten looked up  as Geoff came out of the bathroom, blinking the exhaustion out of his multicolored eyes.

"Did you take them?"

Geoff nodded taking a seat next to Awsten on the small couch, he started picking at his lip, Awsten swatted his hand away, trying to get a good look at his face.

"... Don't cry..." He mumbled sadly, noticing Geoff's blue eyes were swimming with undropped tears. "Please? It'll be okay, I promise..."

"I hate these pills, Aws, they fuck me up so badly... I'm afraid I won't be right for our show on Friday..."

"Then we'll bow out." Awsten said firmly, if the stress of a show was going to keep Geoff from sleeping, then they'd skip it.

"No, we are not doing that. Not because of me." Geoff started twisting his fingers.

"You promised to take care of yourself." Awsten muttered, leaning in, resting his cheek against Geoff's shoulder; he was exhausted. The last two hour had drained everything out of him. "Let's skip Disney tomorrow so you can sleep."

"No, Aws, you guys go, you're so excited for it." Geoff muttered, looking at his fingers. Anxiety was rising in him, the dark thoughts telling him he was ruining everything. "I'll stay at the hotel and sleep." ' You won't even notice I'm gone.' The thoughts were cruel. Almost as cruel as the hallucinations. He swallowed around the hard lump in his throat. Awsten and Otto didn't know how badly his anxiety had gotten, he could tell it was triggering his old depression, something he hadn't had to fight for a few years. But, he needed to be strong for Awsten. ' He doesn't need a weakling like me.'

Awsten's eyes were closed against Geoff's shoulder, his breathing was evening out. Geoff didn't need to wake him, it was important that Awsten got his rest. They were only 15 minutes from the hotel, he could fight off the pill effects until they were in the hotel room.

"Geoff, wake up." Otto was shaking him and Awsten. "Come on, bud, let's get you up to a real bed."

Geoff nodded groggily, trying to think of when he fell asleep. Awsten stood and stretched, holding out a hand to help up his guitarist. The sleeping pills rendered him useless, so Otto carried his bag as well as Geoff's. Awsten slipped an arm around Geoff's waist, carefully guiding him off the bus and into the hotel lobby. Otto checked them in, ignoring the pointedly confused glance the attendant was throwing over his shoulder, eyeing Awsten and Geoff who were clinging to each other.

"Alright, Geoff, just to the elevator and then to the room, can you get there?" Otto asked, coming back to them with their room keys, watching Geoff with concern.

Geoff nodded, his half awake brain was drugged with anxiety, he wanted to cry, apologize for being such a burden. He gripped Awsten's shoulder with his hands as they wobbily made their way to the elevator. ' This is so stupid, you're such a worthless piece of shit.' Thoughts started to swirl in the fog, he felt his nose start to sting, but swore to himself he wouldn't cry in front of Awsten.

When they finally managed to get into the hotel room, Geoff shakily let go of Awsten and took his bag from Otto, turning towards the bathroom.

"Geoff, where ya goin' buddy?" Otto asked, trying to steer Geoff towards the bed, the one place he actually needed to be.

"Wanna shower first." He mumbled, slowly making his way into the bathroom.

"Don't lock the door, if you pass out in the shower we need to be able to get to you." Awsten said quietly, he was wringing his fingers, wishing Geoff would just give in and go to sleep. Geoff nodded before closing the door behind him. He tossed his bag to the floor, starting a hot shower and stripped down, immediately sinking to the tub floor when he stepped under the hot stream.