Gloom & sunshine

Chapter 13: Emptiness

What. The. Hell.

What had life become?

What... what was a drummer from Texas supposed to do with this information?

How did he become the Young Renegades Tour's confidant? He certainly didn't fucking ask for it.

"Rian... Wh... What... Um... What??" He had said back to the drummer in his phone.

Then it was a 90 minute conversation trying to calm Rian down as the other explained how he had been there for Alex through everything. All the girls, all the guys, all the booze, all the tears, all the laughs, all the fuckin' everything.

Turns out, Rian had loved Alex since high school. And had been too chicken shit to do anything about it.

Sound familiar?

Otto's brain was everywhere, too wired to sleep, the rain let up a bit and he got the bus moving. They were about 4 hours outside of Houston.

Jesus, he couldn't wait to have a break from the emotional rollercoaster he had been on since the beginning of tour.

Hell, he couldn't wait to have a break from the entire fucking world.

They were to go to LA next week and start recording Entertainment , but Otto wasn't sure how that was going to work out. They were supposed to stay with Geoff at his place, but if Jack was going to be there...

Gods in heaven this was going to be a nightmarish 24 hours.

Geoff was going to leave pretty much the moment they got back to Houston, Awsten would cry, and Otto would be left to deal.

Otto tapped the steering wheel as he drove, trying to think of ways to help Geoff, help Awsten, Rian, Alex, Jack, Zack--- Dear gods.

"NOPE." Otto barked, startling even himself. He wouldn't get trapped in this vacuum of drama. If Geoff wanted to go home, then he wouldn't stop him. If Awsten wanted to cry about it, Otto would listen, but wouldn't weigh in.

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. Of course that wouldn't happen. He couldn't be that cold to his friends.

"Are we almost home?" Asked a tired Awsten as he wobbled his way to the passenger seat.

"'Bout 3 hours now." Otto said, glancing over at his friend. "... You okay?"

Awsten shrugged and got comfortable in the seat.

"Is... is he really going back to LA when we get home?"

Otto glanced at him before looking back to the slick road. The sun was going to rise soon, the dark sky was slowly turning a light grey in the distance.

"But... I want him to stay with us—"

"Awsten, I'm going to stop you there. Listen, I love you, you're my brother, but what you did... or I guess didn't do, was kind of really... fucked up. I don't blame Geoff for wanting time to recollect himself. You can't blame him either; you broke his heart."

"But I..." Awsten's voice caught, "I don't want him to be a rebound..." He barely whispered it, he was afraid Geoff was listening, he was afraid of what Otto would say, he was just... afraid.

"And I understand that, I do, I genuinely do and appreciate that, but you could have done more than said 'I can't,' and walk away from your crying best friend." Otto scolded gently. He wanted to be harsh with Awsten, he was still angry with him too, but he couldn't. Not when he saw Awsten was in just as much pain as Geoff was.

"Well what should I have done then?" Awsten scowled, picking as the hem of his sweater sleeve. Despite it being 104 degrees even at night in the boot of Louisiana, Awsten still wore sweaters and long sleeves all through tour. Otto would have been worried about him self-harming had he not known Awsten better.