Gloom & sunshine

Chapter 11: Needed

"Has he just been sitting there the entire time?"

Awsten just shrugged, playing with the hem of his sweater.

Otto looked back to Geoff who was sitting, motionless, in the passenger seat of the stilled bus. They had stopped for gas during their unbearably silent trip. Otto knew it was Awsten's fault, he was pissed off at the singer too.

"Geoff?" Otto asked, taking his seat back in the driver's side, reaching out to his friend.

"Just get us home, Otto." Geoff's voice was barely a whisper, he didn't blink, he didn't move.

"You guys have to--"

"No, we don't just... get us home." Geoff said, his voice clipped. Otto saw Awsten flinch out of the corner of his eye. He sighed and turned over the bus engine, trying to think of a way that this will work itself out.

After all... he just witnessed Awsten break Geoff's heart.

Hours of just... silence. Tension. An occasional Awsten sniffle. Otto couldn't take it anymore, he saw a rest stop, just as dark clouds were rolling in. He pulled over and stared at Geoff, who blinked at him.

"What are you doing?"

"You two are going to talk, I'm going to nap. Looks like you have half and hour before the storm hits." Otto stood, looked to Awsten, back to Geoff, then back to Awsten. "Talk." He walked to the bunks and climbed in without another word.

Geoff just stared out the front window again, his eyes barely focused on the dark clouds that were hurtling towards them. He didn't want to talk about it. He had every answer he needed from Awsten. He was numb.

"Gee..." Awsten finally muttered, standing, and approaching the driver's seat.

"Don't..." Geoff replied barely a whisper. "Get away from me, Awsten."

"I can't-- I won't do that." He took the vacant seat and looked at Geoff with pleading eyes.

"Awsten I can't..." He closed his eyes for the first time, his stiff shoulder slumped, Awsten saw how much pain was on his face. "I gave you my heart... I can't deal with this right now."

"We have to though, for the band, for our... for us..."

Geoff was silent for a moment before opening his eyes. "I don't... think I can--"

"You're not leaving the band, fuck that, and fuck you for even thinking that."

Geoff sighed and rubbed his face. "I can't, Aws. I can't just forget what I said to you, I can't forget that you saw... I can't."

"Good, then don't forget. Let's just get home, and we can talk about it then."

Geoff stood suddenly and went for the bus door.  "You don't get it. Just leave me alone." He let the door slam behind him.

Thunder rolled dully in the distance. Awsten's heart cracked and fell apart. He buried his face in his hands and didn't know what to do. Should he scream? Be angry? Cry? Be sad? What the fuck was going on? He wasn't prepared for this so quickly after Ciara. He had thought about approaching the subject, almost jokingly, to see how'd Geoff react-- 'Hahaha, oh, hey best friend, what if I said I had feelings for you, hahahaha.' Everything had taken him by surprise that he can't even react correctly to Geoff. This isn't what his heart was telling him, but he just... He couldn't, not right now. Geoff wasn't going to be a rebound, not if Awsten could help it.

Geoff found a trail just off the side of the rest stop, he was sure it wasn't an actual hiking path, maybe just a little walkway for travelers with pets. But it was the best solution he could ask for to get him away from the bus. The last three hours played painfully in his head, his anxiety telling him how fucking stupid he was, and how embarrassed he felt on top of the excruciating pain of losing his best friend.

He didn't see how they'd get past this.

How could they?

How could Awsten... how could he do this?

'How could I have been so damn stupid?' Geoff clenched his teeth as he walked.

"How could you have been so damn stupid!"

"Don't yell at me, I already feel fucking awful!!" Awsten was in tears, curled into himself in the driver's seat, the sleeve of one of his dad-sweaters soaked with snot, tears, and misery.

"You fucking wrecked him, dude! What the fuck is wrong with you?? After all I've been hearing-- 'Geoff this, Geoff that-- I broke up with my fucking girlfriend for him--' You're a dumbass!"

"You think I don't know that?!" Awsten covered his face and sobbed. "I ruined everything!"

"No shit, Sherlock! Go fucking find him and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid!" Otto was filled with rage, more rage than Awsten had ever seen.

Awsten's heart dropped at the phrase 'do anything stupid.' "Y-you don't think--" Awsten looked at Otto, rubbing his swollen and bloodshot eyes.

"Dude, we just found out he fucking self harms, I don't know what the hell he could do, and I don't want it to become a reality-- just-- Go find him!"

"B-but the storm--"

"I don't give a shit about your fears right now, dickweed, go find your fucking best friend and make sure he's at least--" otto didn't want to say it so he just glared at Awsten. "Go!"

Awsten scrambled up and ran out of the bus, being met by a huge gust of wind. He shivered but looked for any sign of Geoff. Seeing none, he ran into the gas station, asking the attendant if he had seen his fluffy haired best friend.

"Nah, dude, but I did see some kid with a dope Triforce necklace take the piss path around back." The stoner teen behind the counter looked like he would rather be literally anywhere but here.

"The... the piss path?"

"Yeah, man, the path where bitchy suburban moms take their tiny dogs for a piss."

Awsten followed the direction and ran down the path, trying his best to ignore the fact that the distant rumbling was getting closer.

"Geoff?" He called, his eyes stung, he was exhausted, where was Geoff? "Geoff!" he shivered and looked around, his heart sinking with every passing minute as he made his way into the forest.

"Geoff! Come on! Where are you?!" Awsten's eyes stung. "G-geoff come on!" He walked farther, the noise of the thunder just white noise as his anxiety sent him to the worst case scenario. ' Please Geoff, please don't be stupid. I need you, I can't... '

"GEOFF!!!" Awsten screamed at the top of his lungs, he froze, hoping for a response.

Nothing.