Athargoraphobia (Kai Parker)

CHAPTER 6

"Please don't abandon me." I stared my fear into its eyes.

Athargoraphobia; the fear of being abandoned.

All I kept thinking about was Kai leaving. My mind wouldn't stop. It broke me down, and kicked me again to make sure I wouldn't get up. It's all in your head. It's all in your head. I tried hard to keep my sanity but I recalled all of those lonely days after he deaths of my parents and collapsed into Kai's chest.

"I can't go through that again... I can't."

Kai brought me into a tight embrace and suddenly nothing else mattered. The whole world around us stopped. There was only Kai and I, linked by an embrace. My sobs were soothed by the warmth of Kai's body.

"... let's go home."

We walked back to his house. I walked a few steps behind him, gathering my thoughts. I cried at the thought of Kai abandoning me earlier. Why...? No, I'd cry if anyone abandoned me. I tried to convince myself.

He opened the door, and plopped on the couch.

"What... Is this?" Water spilled from his eyes, "what's this feeling?"

I shut the door behind me and walked over to him.

"You're crying Kai..."

"The merge."

He cringed as the tears spilled violently from his eyes.

"When I merged with Luke it must've connected our feelings..."

"Hey... What are you feeling?" I sat next to him on the couch, with an encouraging smile.

"Sadness. Anger. Guilt. I feel everything."

He buried his face in his hand.

"I killed my family. I hurt Bonnie. I killed the cab driver getting to Mystic Falls.. I stabbed you."

I grabbed his hand so that his uncovered eye could look at me.

"I can't tell you what you've done is okay... But, I can tell you that it will be okay." I squeezed his hand gently.

"You don't understand. They hate me."

"You made mistakes but we all do, Kai. We have to accept that and move on."

"I can't take this feeling" he holds his head, shaking it as though he was in agonizing pain.

"Everything is heightened right now. You're feelings are all coming back at an incredible rate. Don't fight it. Accept it, Kai. You have to." I say softly.

"Get away!" He stood up, pushing me away.

"Kai..."

"I can't... I have to be alone."

He wiped his misty eyes and headed for the bedroom. I've never seen him this upset before. Before this, Kai was an unemotional sociopath. He had no remorse for anything that he's done. But now, he was in the bedroom collecting his thoughts. They unwillingly infiltrated his brain and filled it with the emotions that had been erased by him years ago.

He felt the pain of being called an abomination. The sadness of being neglected by his family. The guilt from killing his most recent family member, Luke. The tears would not stop. All he could think about was this. He didn't want to celebrate with s'mores anymore. He couldn't think of anything other than the suffering that he had both experienced and caused.

I waited patiently at the island top with a glass of water for about an hour. He needed space and I accepted that.

I sipped the rest of my water before fixing up a mug of butter hot cocoa with whipped cream, sprinkled with mini marshmallows. I headed for the bedroom door Kai hid behind.