Howlers In Hogwarts

Howlers for Filch

Another three hours wasted scrubbing grime off the walls of the toilets of the third floor. Without magic. It had become a regular routine for the Marauders at this point. They were used to this, they did it so often. Yet that didn't change the fact that they always seemed shocked when they received the punishment.

"But Sir! You can't do this to me! I'm innocent, my poor hair will never recover! It still hasn't from the last time you made us do this." Sirius wailed dramatically, practically begging Professor Slughorn.

"Last time? You haven't received this punishment from me before-" James cut him off.

"Oh yeah, that was the new DADA professor, whatever her name was." He reminded Sirus who rolled his eyes.

They had blown up yet another cauldron, this time causing it to ricochet across the lab, resulting in two girls screaming, clutching their singed strands of hair, not to mention the shoe soles that seemed to be burned through to the floor.

"Either way, you will meet Professor Filch at Seven O'clock sharp. If you are reported as late or don't bother to show I will have no choice but to extend the punishment for an additional week. Understood?"

"Well it's not as though you will change your mind if you say no, so yes I suppose so."

Remus however, managed to avoid detentions a lot better than his companions, who had made space in their timetables for the inevitable bedpan scrubbing down in the hospital wing, or the refiling of Filch's cabinets. Any pranks he did, he made sure that the evidence never traced back to him. The vast majority of the great Marauder pranks were achieved because of his cleverness.

When the boys trudged off to their detention he decided to sit in their empty dorm room, and catch up on homework he had missed due to his furry little problem, as the boy had extended to call it that amongst other people. People assumed he owned a badly behaved rabbit. Two hours had passed and he was beginning to grow bored. Suddenly, a glint caught his eye, and he lifted up the edge of a tossed shirt, to discover one of their two-sided mirrors. One of them had apparently forgotten theirs. He prayed that one of the pair had theirs on them, and he called it, waiting for a few seconds before trying again when no one answered. Eventually, his reflection merged into Sirius's, who's hair was hanging limply in his face, James in the background scrubbing an unknown substance from a trophy cabinet.

"Oi, Prongs, you forgot your mirror." spoke Sirius.

"Huh? It's in my pocket, or it was..." He looked up, and saw Remus's face, grinning at them.

"How the hell do you do it Rey, you always avoid this, and I won't lie I could easily have not bothered to turn up, only McGonagall said she might ban me from quidditch for about a month If I do that. Sirius is here only to avoid a letter from his demonic mother again, the usual story.

"Well... I'm just smart like that, Aren't I? It's an art. Don't let people catch you in the act, and certainly don't be so stupid as to blow up a cauldron," He smirked into the mirror.

"Ha, you got that right. Anyways, we got a couple of hours of this left I reckon, then we'll be with you in the dorm. Unless you can find a way to break us out without anyone knowing we're gone?" Sirius pulled the puppy's eyes at Remus, who simply shrugged it off and laughed aloud.

"Fat chance of that Padfoot."

"Ughhhh my hair will never recover from this torture,. It never gets a decent chance to."

"And whose fault would that be then? Honestly, blowing up a cauldron, what are you, ickle firsties?"

"Ha." Deadpanned Sirius. "Well, gotta go, Filch will be back soon, see ya later mate." They waved at Remus as his mirror faded back into his reflection. Signing fondly, he returned to his notes.

oo0O0oo

Finally they had returned to their dorm, and collapsed onto their beds, not before taking a quick shower, or rather in Sirius' case a thirty minute hair wash.

"We need to get revenge on Slughorn. I can't deal with the state these detentions leave my hair in. And it's not as though I blew up the cauldron on purpose, exactly-"

"You just decided to completely disregard the instructions and make up your own thing." James cut him off, raising an eyebrow.

"Well...if you put it that way... yeah, that's exactly what I did."

"Why am I not surprised? Anyway, there's no way we can get revenge on old Sluggy without just ending up with a detention that's even worse than the one we just came from. We could however get revenge on Filch, It's not as though he loves us, he enjoys watching us suffer, now it is time for him to."

Sirius's eyes lit up. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Remus simply smirked, grabbing the parchment on the bedside table.

oo0O0oo

Far away over the other side of Hogwarts, Filch sat at his desk, organising the detention slips in his overflowing cabinet.

Name: James potter, Sirius Black
Crime: Setting Mrs Norris on fire
Suggested sentence: Detention with Mr filch
Additional comment: Honestly boys
Signed: Professor McGonagall

Immediately after the news of Mrs Norris's smoking tail had spread to him, he ran straight to Dumbledore in order to have the two boys expelled. All he received from the Headmaster was that he would speak to the two, resulting in a livid Argus Filch for the foreseeable future.

He grabbed a couple of worn, fading reports and set them on his desk to rewrite when he heard a knock on the door. Mumbling to himself, he stood up and opened the door, only to find that there was no one there. "Stupid children. As soon as my chains are needed again... who will be laughing then, ey?" As he turned around, a sharp paper edge caught his eye. A letter sat on the window sill, addressed to him.

Narrowing his eyes , he opened it, only to cause an eruption of noise.

Right, Filch. We have a slight problem that we need to discuss with you, regarding your punishments and the banishment of certain things that do not belong to you. Came one of the voices that he had come to familiarise and despise more than anything.

A new voice began, one he still recognised but was nowhere as familiar as the other.

We have come to the conclusion that you are jealous of our purchases at Zonko's. Look, mate. If you really wanted a boxing telescope of some stink pellets, we could always get you one for your birthday- Sirius cut him off, looking confused.

Wait a second Moony. Oi Filch, do you even have a birthday? I mean you sulk around the school three hundred and thirty five days a year, so you can probably understand my confusion.

Filch practically growled and attempted to rip up the letter, only for it to jerk out of his fingers, continuing its tirade.

Doubt he does to be perfectly honest, Padfoot. Now, back to the matter at hand, we composed a long list of accusations that we want to make, as well as numerous complaints from everyone in the school, obviously including us. Now, Complaint number one, out of four thousand and twenty three...

Filch all but roared, shoving the door open so forceful that wood dust fell from around the hinges. He marched straight up to Dumbledore's office, howler left complaining in his unlocked office, where the three boys under an invisibility cloak happened to be standing, now able to sneak in and grab all of their belongings, high fiving each other.