Hopelessly Devoted To You

Failure.

Failure

For the first week everything went well. Quinn and I would call, text and facetime every time we could. I even took a day off to surprise her in New Haven. I took her to eat out and had a lovely walk in a park near her apartment. Things were fine. I was being a total gentleman, well, gentlewoman I guess. Since our wild night, we had only shared a couple kisses. I felt really giddy and we were both making a real effort to make our relationship work again.

And we lived happily ever after...

Yeah, as if.

Unfortunately, I strayed.

In my defense, I have to say it was only once, when I used to have a stranger in my bed every single night before that. But it was bad. I hadn't done any drugs except a little bit of weed here and there and I wasn't compulsively drinking, but one night after work I was feeling tired, lonely and horny. I shared a cigarette with a cute redhead that had been trying to get into my pants for the whole night, and stupidly I ended up letting her.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Quinn was pissed. Rightfully so.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I had no idea how I was going to fix it this time. Like really no idea. I had fucked up for good, words and empty promises wouldn't work anymore.

Mercedes had finally come back from her honeymoon and the first thing she did was come to my apartment and demand an explanation of everything that had happened in her absence. She almost punched me in the face when I got to the part where I had failed Quinn yet again. I would have deserved that. But she also gave me the push I needed.

I didn't have any real ties in New York. Yes, I had my dreams but I could achieve them anywhere if I tried hard enough. My job wasn't that important, with my resume I could get another job without any problem. If I really wanted to get Quinn back, I needed to start making real changes. Like, life-changing-changes if that even makes sense.

I found myself packing my stuff, paying my part of the rent leash, giving a fifteen day notice at the Coyote Ugly and paying for a couple months of rent for a small apartment in New Haven I hadn't even seen apart from a small videotour the landlady gave me. She seemed like a really nice woman.

"Go get your girl." Were Mercedes' last words when she hugged me goodbye at the train station.

And just like that, two weeks had gone by as I settled down for a new life. The apartment was small, but it was enough for me, and thankfully I had enough savings to be a le to really settle down before starting a  new job hunt.

Quinn didn't know yet. We had talked a couple times but I hadn't told her anything. She was still mad at me but at least she was replying to my text messages. We even talked on the phone once. She tried to be cold and everything, but I could hear the tremor in her voice, I could feel it was mostly an act to show me I had hurt her. That raised my hopes.

One evening I left a message on her voice mail.

'Hey Quinn... Ah... There is something I should tell you. I don't want you to freak out and I know I'm probably terribly late but I...I'm in New Haven... Like, permanently. I know I fucked up, but I meant it when I said you are the love of my life, and if there is still any chance that you will forgive me, no matter how tiny it is, I will fight for it. I know this crazy, like stalker crazy level, but I really hope you would consider at least talking to me? I can't promise I'll be perfect, but I can promise I'm ready to try harder than ever. If you don't want to see me again I completely understand, and be sure I won't even look for you. But if you want to, this is my address. You can call, or come by, or anything at anytime. I'm yours.'

Three hours later, almost at midnight, there was a knock on my door. When I opened it I found a quite distraught Quinn in front of me. She looked pale, her hair unbrushed, her clothes oddly mismatched.

"Santana, are you fucking crazy?" She asked as I opened the door and I could only look at her blankly. "You dumbass-fucking-idiot-reckless of a woman." She added and my eyebrows raised so high they almost dissapeared into my hair. I probably deserved that. "Are you going to let me in?"

With a swift movement I moved aside. I still hadn't said anything. For once I had been rendered speechless.

"Nice place." She mutters as she looks around, and I have to look too, because I could have sworn it was still a complete mess.

"Um... Good evening, Quinn. Please, make yourself at home." I said sarcastically as I watched her show herself to the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"Oh, don't try to sass me, Santana." She answered looking at me harshly and I crossed my arms over my chest.

We stayed like that for a few seconds, looking intently at each other as she took long sips from her beer.

"I thought we had worked everything out in New York." She finally says, softer this time.

"I meant every word." I answered.

"Yet you did the thing you swore to God you'd never do. You cheated on me." She adds, her bravado completely gone.

"Technically, no I didn't. We were testing the waters, remember? We weren't exactly together." I justified, but I realised that wasn't the right thing to say, even if I was right. "But I know I betrayed your trust. I know what I did was stupid. I know I fucked up, okay? I know I'm an idiot and I took you for granted. For some stupid, childish reason, I thought I had you in the bag already and I made myself believe that with that girl I would say goodbye forever to my Latin lover days without any harm. Even saying it out loud sounds stupid." I said with a shrug. I couldn't really justify what I had done, but I could at least be completely honest. "I realised it was a dick move the moment that girl cried my name out and it wasn't your voice. I should have known better, but I can't undo it now." I finished my speech, sandly looking down at the floor.

I heard her sigh before she spoke again.

"Okay, technically you are right. But please, put yourself in my position. You promised me the moon, Santana, and then you told me you slept with someone else? It hurt." She starts. "And now you are here. I don't even know what to think about it."

I was about to say something but I was silenced by her lips kissing me. For once, I pulled away even if my insides were screaming to take whatever she was giving me.

"No." I said firmly as she tried kissing me again. "I can't play chase anymore. I know it is my fault, but this time I want to make it right, or not at all." I said, taking then a deep breath. How hard can it be to hold your horses when all you want to do is be close to the person standing in front of you?

"Fine. Be ready tomorrow at 7. I am going to take you out on a date. I am going to show you what it means to woo someone,  since it's clear you have no fucking idea how it's done." She said, winked and started walking towards the front door. I gulped.

Game on, Fabray.