𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐓 ❅ (𝐠𝐱𝐠)

15| nervous system

Lily hadn't spoken to Ms Valentine for the rest of the week succeeding the occurrence that happened in her office, or in Lily's sentiment, she had not to her.

She didn't want look too deep into it or overanalyse the woman's behaviour, but she was powerless when it came to her neurotic nature. Not even during lessons did the woman call on her name in rebuke like the customary practices that Lily had become familiar with in her lessons, but then again, she had given her no reason to.

It wasn't, without a doubt, particularly wonted for Lily to be so well behaved and attentive during her lessons: taking notes and preforming like the star student that she most definitely wasn't, but being regularly under the influence of drugs during school time wasn't either. Her abnormal burst of academic spirit wasn't a side effect of her intoxication though, if anything, she wanted nothing more to collapse and give in to the sedation the majority of the time. She was trying to avoid any sort of confrontation with Ms Valentine which had been proven to her successful thus far.

In the past week Lily had come to discover a positive side to her notorious insomnious tendencies. No one ever noticed that the girl was high out of her mind because her being under the influence hadn't had any effect on her usual being and persona: sluggish and drowsy, and it blended in so perfectly—too perfectly for her own good. The languid feeling she was accustomed to may have still been ever-present, but at least she felt calm and peaceful for once all the while.

"A fucking E?"

Lily glared down at the sheet of paper that had been placed in front of her with the letter scribbled largely in red ink.

"Maybe you should take this as a sign," Mrs Johnson commented as she moved to the next students to hand them back their test papers and sighed heavily,"and please, for the love of god Lily, language."

As the chemistry teacher moved away, Lily slouched back in her lab chair, stuck her tongue out and flipped the woman off behind her back in a "fuck you" gesture with both middle fingers.

"Wow Lils, that was just uncalled for," Izara giggled, capturing the girls attention to her side and down to the desk where her test sheet lay with a the letter "A" circled in red on the front page. Lily pouted at the girls test sheet. Where she lacked in natural intelligence, Izara succeeded and Lily had always been secretly envious of that.

"Venting my self hatred onto other people is not uncalled for, it's therapeutic."As much as she wanted to, Lily understood that she couldn't hold any blame for her substandard educational performance over her chemistry teachers head. She knew that Mrs Johnson had never really taken a liking to her from the start almost instantly, she didn't think that the woman particularly disliked or hated her more rather that her feelings towards her were more apathetic and disappointed—like she had given up on her, and that cut deeper in Lily than any petty feud she could have with the woman.

"Wow. That's... kinda toxic," Izara mumbled unsurely as she stared at the girls side profile with worrisome eyes.

"It's not toxic if it's in the form of small actions when said person isn't looking, it's harmless, right?

"Erm— sure."

As Lily chewed on the scar tissue of bad habits on her inner cheek she couldn't pull her gaze away from her friends test sheet, her eyes glued to the scarlet grade illustrated so boldly and jeeringly. She glanced around the room at other tables with students test papers to see if she wasn't the only one that had failed miserably as she held back tears that threatened to spill. She hated this feeling—the disappointment, the hopelessness.