What Will Always Be

7

Once they got settled in the hotel room, they decided to go out for dinner. They walked to a little restaurant down the street from the hotel. They must've gotten there before a rush because once they were seated and had their orders taken that's when it started getting busy.

"Good timing." Gerard said, and they joked about it a little.

As the night went on and they got more comfortable in the presence of the other again, it was just like old times. The conversations got crazier by the topic, the inside jokes were brought up and still made them laugh to the point they couldn't breathe, but it was then that it was finally brought up.

"I've missed this." Gerard said, coming down from the high of the conversation.

Frank grinned but it slowly faded. Gerard noticed and shifted in his seat. He knew it was coming.

"I wish..." Frank started but trailed off and ended it with a quick but disappointing sigh.

Gerard knew what he was going to say and could've easily have gained control of the conversation, but he wanted to hear him say it. He wanted to hear Frank tell him that he wished they were still together, that he wished they didn't break up, that Gerard put him through hell, that is was all his fault. As much as Gerard hated the fighting between them, he knew this would lead into some sort of spat and he was willing to sit there and take it. Frank couldn't say anything that Gerard hadn't told himself already. "I can take it." Gerard thought, patiently waiting for it to happen. He saw Frank almost fighting himself not to say anything but he could also see it was eating him alive. He wanted to tell him to get these feelings out, to let him know and show him what he had caused. All that pain to the man he wanted so bad to love. But Frank gave up... So Gerard pushed him in that direction a little, "You wish what?"

"Nothing... It wouldn't matter."

They sat in silence for a minute. Gerard just watched him shift in his seat. Gerard looked down at Frank's hand which was playing with a fork on the table then back to see his face. "You wish I didn't break us up?" He spoke soft.

Frank's eyes snapped to the older man immediately. "No, I wasn't -"

"I wish I didn't break us up." Gerard confessed, looking down at the table.

Frank didn't know how to respond. He just sat there looking confused. He thought Gerard would've been angry with the thought coming around.

"I wish I could take it back." Gerard looked back at Frank, their eyes locking on to each other, "I'm still in love with you. Not for one second did I ever stop loving you. I know I let you down. I know I messed up. I know I hurt you. I know... and if I could take it back, Frank, believe me in a heartbeat, I would."

Frank was quiet, trying to figure out the next best thing to say in return but all that came out was, "I lost my best friend that night."

"I know -"

"Shut up - You don't know," Frank leaned in to speak low, "You were my best friend. We promised that if shit got bad between us, we'd still be there for each other. I don't care anymore that you broke up with me, but you left me."

His stare was cold. Gerard knew he wouldn't let up. He could apologize all he wanted but Frank healed his pain on his own. Technically, he didn't need Gerard anymore. If Frank wanted to walk alone, he was going to and Gerard had to let him.

"I want to -"

"You're buying me a drink." Frank interrupted, leaning back and flagging down the waitress. He asked her for a double shot of his favorite whiskey.

Gerard smiled. He knew there was no hard feelings. Why? Because Frank wouldn't have had invited him on his "couples-vacation-as-friends" if there were. That's what Gerard loved about him; if Frank truly cares about you, he'll let you back in... as long as you're true to your word.

Gerard went back to his meal, feeling a little better that he was finally able to get out his feelings. Frank got his drink and sipped at it occasionally, still holding a strong conversation with Gerard about whatever they could think of.

By the time they finished, it was like nothing ever happened between them, as if there was never time spent apart. They decided to go for a walk before heading back to the hotel. They took it down to the beach and stood there watching the waves graze the sand under their feet. Gerard watched as Frank walked closer to the water. The water splashing over his cuffed up jeans. His feet were being buried in the sand each time a wave passed. Gerard couldn't move. He was too lost in thought to even notice when Frank turned to look at him.

"Gerard!"

He snapped back into reality.

"I called your name like seven times." Frank said while walking over to him.

"Oh...sorry. I was - uh..." He stumbled over the words to say and soon just fell silent after Frank was in front of him.

"It's getting dark out." Frank stated, tilting his head up to look at the older.

Gerard looked back at him, not with any stare in particular, but he was curious as to what Frank wanted to do next.

"We could go back to the hotel."

So they did. Once they got back into their room, Gerard noticed 2 wine bottles sitting in a bucket left out on the counter. He didn't understand. Him and Frank weren't big wine drinkers.

"Frank," He called out.

Frank came into view from locking the door.

"What's this for?"

Frank looked over at the bottles then sighed and looked back at Gerard, "It's a couples trip." He stated but after seeing Gerard was still confused, he added, "He was a wine drinker."

Gerard mouthed the word "oh" and swallowed hard. He really didn't like the thought of Frank with someone else. It made his blood boil. Frank could see Gerard's whole demeanor change. He knew Gerard was hurt from the news of his dating life, but honestly, he didn't care to think too much about it. He only did it to get Gerard out of his system after months of no contact.

"What was he like?" Gerard asked after minutes of silence.

Frank, who was putting the wine bottles in the fridge, turned to him, "No," he began to shake his head, "We're not talking about him."

"Why?"

"Because that's - I mean - why do you want to?"

Gerard couldn't answer the question. He was just too consumed in this still new information. "Did you love him?" He pushed, knowing this was dangerous territory to be curious about.

"Gerard," Frank growled. Gerard could feel the daggers Frank was shooting at him but he didn't care. He wanted so bad to know even though it would hurt him to find out. But when Frank refused to proceed in the conversation, Gerard knew then to back off.

Gerard went to take a walk to clear his head as Frank stayed behind in the hotel room. Frank didn't want to bother Gerard while he was sorting out his feelings. Frank thought about the other guy and how he hurt him. He liked Frank a lot and Frank knew that, but he couldn't get over Gerard. So he bought this vacation to reel Frank in but when he found out Frank got the job at Gerard's school, he knew there was no getting him then. So he broke up with him. Frank tried to apologize to him numerous times, but he knew and accepted that Frank didn't want anyone else.

Just then the hotel room door opened. Frank shot up from the bed as Gerard walked through the hallway. Gerard pulled out a little dog stuffed animal from his pocket. "I got this for you." He said, allowing a small smile to stretch across his face.

"Thank you!" Frank graciously accepted the gift. He looked up at Gerard and said, "I'm just not ready to talk about him."

And Gerard understood.