What Will Always Be

11

Morning came and the sun pierced the room straight through the crack of the blackout curtains, right on to Gerard's face. He looked through squinted eyes, groaning as he got up to move them so the room was still dark. He turned, seeing Frank still asleep. The blanket fell right at his waist, his hair a mess and in his face. Gerard smiled to himself, then went to take a shower.

Gerard had been in the shower for nearly fifteen minutes when Frank woke up. He felt around the bed first for the older before acknowledging that the shower was running. He flopped back down on the bed with a huff. Gerard came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and another drying his messy black hair.

"I was just about to wake you." Gerard spoke, walking closer to Frank, "Good morning." He said, bending over to give him a kiss on his forehead.

"Hmm." Frank grunted out in response. He wasn't a morning person, neither was Gerard but he loved waking up every morning next to Frank. So in a way it made him a morning person.

Gerard chuckled at Frank's response. "Do you want to go out for breakfast?"

Frank nodded. "Let me get in the shower real quick." He added.

***

They went to a cute little pancake diner right up the street from the hotel. They were seated at a booth in the back corner of the restaurant, chatting amongst themselves over coffee as they waited for their food. When the conversation and joking ended, they fell silent for a moment.

Gerard leaned in on his elbows, hands folded in front of him. "You know we have to talk about it."

Frank kept his eyes down at his coffee cup.

Gerard studied him to find any sort of sign of where his head was, but it was useless. Frank's thoughts were going a mile a minute.

"What are you thinking?" He finally said after some time.

"Everything." Frank mumbled.

Gerard took a deep breath, "We can start from scratch." He said, "I don't mind. We'll take it slow and get to know each other again." He reached for Frank's hand and drawing small circles on it. Frank didn't say anything. "Unless you want some time to think." Gerard added.

Frank couldn't speak in fear of saying the wrong thing. He knew what he wanted the answer to be but he was afraid of losing everything again.

Gerard felt a little hurt that he didn't speak right away. He knew why but that didn't mean it didn't bother him. He took full responsibility for the break up but after this whole week together, he thought Frank would say yes. But he smiled through his pain, hoping Frank couldn't see right through him.

***

After breakfast, they walked down the beach. Seeing as how it was their last day, they just decided to walk slow and soak in the California sun.

"I haven't even started my lesson plan for this next semester." Frank said.

"I'm sure Mr Heeler would understand."

"Have you done yours?"

"I kind of bullshit mine. I teach art. As long as I teach them how to draw, I'm good."

"Your class seems so easy."

"These kids are wildly creative. Some of them take the class just for a credit but most of them really have a passion for it."

"Yeah, I've been helping a student of mine with extra guitar lessons. She's getting pretty good." Frank smiled but it slowly faded. "I'm not sure if I'll stay." He finished.

"Why not? Frank, the kids love you."

"I know...but, this whole thing with Mark and you and my apartment -"

"What do you mean?" Gerard interrupted.

"Well - I mean, I could do without Mark. And I need to figure out things between you and I, and my apartment is so far away from the school."

"Where is your apartment?"

"'Bout an hour or so away."

"What if you moved closer?"

"I don't have the money to move right now... Where would I even go? I can't afford another apartment."

"You could move back in with me."

Frank stopped in his tracks. "And what if things don't work out between us? What do I do then?"

Gerard didn't know what to say.

"I rest my case." Frank said and tried to continue walking.

"I would make it right this time." Gerard spoke.

Frank stopped and turned toward Gerard.

"I won't let you go again." Gerard closed the space between them, "I know what it feels like to lose you. This whole passed year has been hell without you."

Frank was angry with each word Gerard said. "I hate that you had to lose me to realize how much you loved me." His stare was cold. "Why couldn't you have just loved me?"

"I never stopped loving you."

"No, you just pushed me away."

"I did what I thought was best for the relationship."

"Oh, please. You didn't want to put in the effort -"

"Frank -"

"It was easier -"

"No -"

"To throw me away -"

"Stop!"

"Then to be there when I needed you!" He yelled and pushed Gerard.

Gerard stumbled back a few steps.

Frank held back any further emotion with everything he had and took a deep breath. "I needed you." He repeated, his eyes not leaving Gerard once.

Gerard walked back up to him, pulling him into a tight hug. "I know. I'm sorry."

"We're not fit to get back together." Frank spoke.

Those words shattered Gerard's heart into a million pieces. He felt like he just lost everything. Frank was his whole world and it felt like he just took a bullet to the heart.

Frank pulled away. "But I can't stop you from trying to change my mind." He looked back up at Gerard.

He put his hand on Frank's cheek, brushing it lightly with his thumb. "I love you."

Frank gave a small half smile.

Gerard hesitated before taking the chance and leaning down to press his lips to Frank's, kissing him so passionately there on the beach in front of whoever was walking by. "I love you." Gerard said again after they pulled away.

He was going to make it his life's mission to make Frank change his mind.

"Whatever it takes." He told himself.