event horizon

February 8th, 2023

As you may have noticed, there have been some changes to this journal. First, the name. Event Horizon, defined as 'a theoretical boundary around a black hole beyond which no light or other radiation can escape.' This is how I feel about my supernatural experience. While I may push against it, there will always be some part of me drawn to the occult, to magic, to the sea, land, and most of all, the heavens above. The last part is what led me to these changes, so I will go more in-depth on it later in this chapter. Second, the journal cover. Of course, with a new name the cover had to be changed too. But what do the visuals represent? For starters, it now has a theme around the connection between nature and space, with a dash of draconian imagery. This is to signify my newfound acceptance of my unearthen nature. Yes, you read that correctly. 

So, what do I mean by a call to the heavens? 

For the longest time, even moreso than all other calls, I have been drawn to space. Stars, planets, black holes, and the empty voids between them. My dreams are filled with it. To put it as bluntly as possible, one of the main reasons I have been suicidal in the past was due to the fact that I believed that I would never be able to go back to my home among the stars until after this life was over. Yes... This call is that intense. Now, bringing it back to dreams. In a good 90% of my dreams, for as long as I can remember, I have turned into or partially shifted into a dragon. It is almost always the same type of dragon as well. I have a combination of fur and scales on my body, and feathered wings that end in leather. I am almost completely black, but not normal black... Like the night sky - darker than you can get with paint. There are bits of color, but it's akin to an oil slick. And I have little glowing spots like stars that are clustered mainly underneath the wings. I have glowing eyes and a glow coming from within my mouth. Now, I have only really given this much thought in terms of spirituality before. But, about a month ago, I found out that there is actually a creature from a piece of fiction that fits that description. A Void Dragon. As I researched it more, I found that their lore and abilities matched my own in my dreams to a T. 

Suddenly, I had an idea. Long story short, my astral form has a crystal growing out of its chest, and it leads down to my core. I had assumed that my core is just naturally crystalline, but I started to think. What if it isn't? And so I began to ask myself more questions. Most importantly: What if I can do more but my 'void energy' is stuck in the crystal? I decided it was time to experiment. I won't go into the details here unless people ask for it, but the basics is I cracked the crystal I thought was my core and energy began to surge out. It felt right, I felt better, more energized. Excess energy started to fill in my core instead of growing out as crystals that fall off. And I kept getting visions of void energy branching out from my core and creating veins throughout my astral body - connected to the ones in the physical. And for the past week, even though I'm not nearly even a third of the way unblocking my energy, I have begun to get supernatural results without really trying. 

Last night I felt a great disconnect with my human form. When I looked at my hands and legs, they did not feel as if they were mine. When I went to type, I felt as though my fingers didn't hit the keys as soon as they should, like they weren't as long as they should be. The best description I can think of is an avatar in virtual reality rather than your actual body. You can recognize it as yours, but it doesn't feel right. It isn't you. As the night progressed this feeling got worse, and so did my phantom limbs. I got a headache. There was a spot in my vision that looked like rainbow static, which switched to just being slightly over everything that moved or when I moved my own eyes. I got hungrier no matter what I ate. When I tried to sleep, I got awful muscle spasms until I just passed out. Then, this morning, I woke up with blood in my mouth that didn't seem to be my own.

I'm not sure what exactly I believed to have happened last night, but my hope is that it is shifting related as the symptoms only appeared after I started unlocking my void energy, and the doctor I saw this morning found nothing wrong.

Here's hoping for more results.