In Secret

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Todd pulled away from Neil, stopping the kiss before it could even start. "We can't," he said under his breath. 

The overcast sky shone a grey light on his somber expression. This wasn't the way Neil planned it. In his mind, he imagined his confession on the dock in a beam of sunlight, or in the comfort of the Dead Poet's cave, far from the harsh realities of 1959. 

Never did he want it to look like this; Todd backing across their grey-washed dorm room, a look of fear in his eye. 

"Why not?" Neil said calmly, not daring to step forward.

"I...you know what it's like for...for..."

"Boys who love boys?"

"Exactly. I can't let you choose me over all your friends. As soon as they find out, it's over for us."

Neil frowned. Todd plopped down on his bed, avoiding eye contact. 

"So..." Neil started. "So what if they didn't have to find out?"

"Lie?"

"Not lie. Just keeping a secret. Things don't have to change at all, we can still all be friends, and you and I are still roommates after all."'

Todd considered this idea, and the sky seemed to shine brighter at the thought of it. "Okay," he nodded after a while. "Let's do it."

"Perfect," Neil smiled. "So now will you kiss me?"



Both boys calculated every move. They avoided eye contact in the halls. Stopped sitting beside each other when they studied. Went out of their way to not speak to each other. Nothing that could even suggest they were dating in secret.

But mysteriously, they would vanish, and show up later with ruffled hair or a screwed-up collar, acting more distant than ever. 

Charlie took note of this behavior one day when the group was in the library. Todd sat at one end of the table, and Neil, struggling with his tie, sat at the other. 

"So, what are you boys always getting up to when you disappear?" Charlie asked passively. "What sort of wacky hijinks don't warrant my invitation?" 

"That's none of your business," Todd said, not looking up from his reading.

Charlie turned to Neil, and raised his eyebrows at him.

Neil threw a notebook at his face. "Go to horny jail." 



 Neil and Todd were very satisfied with the way their plan was going so far. No one could have suspected they were dating. However, unbeknownst to them, they may have overshot. Which is why the poets held an emergency meeting.

"Alright, fellas, I'm sure we all know why we're here today," Charlie said, and took a drag of his cigarette.

Pitts stared at him blankly. "No Charlie. We don't. You yelled at us to meet in the cave and 'don't tell Neil or Todd.'"

Charlie shot him a look. "Right," he said, exhaling a puff of smoke as he stared defensively at Pitts. "Because this meeting is a secret. We need to discuss the Neil-Todd situation."

A groan of understanding escaped from the poets as everyone realized why they were there.

"I don't know, Charlie," said Knox. "They're in an argument, clearly. Maybe we should just let it blow over."

"Knoxious, in the five years you have known me, have I ever, once, 'just let it blow over'? Insulting," Charlie scoffed.

"Then what do you suppose we do about it?"

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