Anderperry Oneshots Collection

Tipsy

"Have you seen Todd?" Neil asked in a panic.

One minute he was there, the next he was gone. Todd and Neil had made a pact at the beginning of the night: they were to be each other's buddies, to make sure the other one got home safe from Chris's party. 

There was only one problem: Todd was nowhere to be found.

"I thought he was with you," Charlie said, words slurring slightly.

"He was, he just wandered off and now I...never mind."

"What's the problem?" Chris walked over politely. She was clearly drunk, or high, or some combination of the two, but trying hard to be a good hostess nonetheless. 

"He," Charlie said, pointing an accusing finger at Neil. "lost Todd."

"I did not lose Todd," Neil retorted.

"Where is Todd?" Chris asked.

Neil paused, having no good answer. 

"I might have misplaced Todd."

"Aw," Chris shot him a sympathetic look. "Poor dear. I'll let you know if I see him."

Meanwhile, Todd lay shitfaced on the bathroom floor. He'd so far managed to avoid throwing up, but God, it was hot in here...

Todd pulled off his shirt in a weary attempt to cool himself down. 

But what if Chris found it? No, no, clearly that would bring some inexcusable shame down on his entire family. He couldn't have that happening.

So he threw his shirt out the window.

In his defense, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Neil maneuvered through the crowds and music. He checked in the closets and under the tablecloths. 

Finally, Chris pushed past the party-goers. "Neil! Third-floor bathroom!" she called.

"Thanks!" Neil said, and took off.

The higher in the house he went, the more nicotine he smelled until he could almost see the cloud of smoke. All the while, he stepped over those passed out on the floor and avoided colliding into blackout-drunk Ridgeway girls.

Neil knocked on the bathroom door. Silence.

"Todd?"

A grunt in response. 

"Can you open the door?"

A minute went by. Then a shuffling noise, and the door swung open. 

Todd sat back on the floor, exhausted by the efforts of unlocking the door. His eyes lit up at the sight of his roommate. 

"Yo Neil!" Todd made finger-guns.

"What?"

"What?"

"Where's your shirt...? Nevermind, here..." Neil yanked off his hoodie and tossed it at him. "Put that on," he said, and Todd did so with some difficulty.

Todd rubbed his forehead. "Hey Neil, I don't feel so hot. Could you take me home?" 

He was sloshed. Neil had a hard time understanding his garbled speech, but got the point.

"Yeah, buddy, let's go," he sighed, and looped Todd's arm around his shoulder, hoisting him up. They made it a few steps into the hall when it became apparent that even with Neil's help, there was no way Todd was walking home tonight.

Neil parked Todd on a chair, left to make a call, and came back what felt like days later. 

This time, Neil half dragged, half carried Todd down the stairs and out the door, pausing only to say a quick thank-you to Chris before plopping Todd on the curb.

The streetlight shone yellow and dreamlike as Neil sat next to him. 

Todd raised the sweater to his nose and took a big inhale. 

"What are you doing?" Neil asked softly.

"It smells like...like grass and fabric softener," Todd replied, eyes closed.

"So?"

"It smells like you. I like that."

He opened his eyes and stared Neil down, and it was the first time all night that Neil had a chance to look at his eyes. Round and blue, watery from the alcohol, but looking right at him as if Todd could read every thought in Neil's head. 

They were so close Neil could smell the tequila on his breath.

Neil's heart raced. His thoughts were a jumble of kiss me, kiss me, kiss me and blame it on the shots in the morning. Kiss me and let me have this.

He looked at his enchanting roommate, messy and misplaced with golden ruffled hair and a half-smirking drunken smile.

Maybe Todd could hear his thoughts. He started to lean in.

The kiss was warm, fueled by the burning in Todd's chest and the longing in Neil's heart. Made better by the fact that no one would recognize them, that they were, for once, free.

All of a sudden, Todd pulled away. "You know what's the problem with 'I love you'?" he asked.

Neil shook his head no. It wasn't unlike Todd to get philosophical when he was drunk, but then again, Neil had never seen him this drunk.

"It's the same thing you say to your brother or your dog. There's nothing that really means what I'm trying to mean when I say 'I love you.' Except 'Marry me,' but you can only say that once and then it's back to 'I love you,' and you're on the dog level."

Neil laughed. "Yeah, I wish we spoke Greek."

Just then, a familiar car rolled by. The driver slowed to a stop in front of the boys.

"Come on," Neil said. "It's our ride."

He helped Todd into his side, but Todd laid his head on Neil's lap almost immediately after Neil sat down.

Neil sighed, and ran a hand through Todd's hair. "Thanks for picking us up, Cap, I'm really sorry to have called so late."

"Oh, I'm just glad you boys are safe. You made a smart decision, calling me," Keating said, smiling his good-natured smile.

The car ride was unextraordinary, no one said much and everyone just wanted to be home and go to bed. Neil continued to stroke Todd's hair, and Todd fell asleep almost instantly.

Neil tucked Todd into bed. 

Todd stretched. "I'm sorry for making you---" he yawned "---take care of me."

"I don't mind. You'd do the same for me."

Todd smiled. "Marry me?" he offered.

Neil smiled back at him, "Maybe some other time."

Todd, satisfied with the answer, rolled over and fell back asleep,

And Neil hoped to God that he'd remember it all tomorrow.