Anderperry Oneshots Collection

Gift

Todd had never given a Christmas present to someone other than Jeffrey. Which made finding one for Neil extraordinarily difficult. 

Of course, Neil was immensely important to him. So much so, that, when they'd started dating in November, Todd was already planning the gift. If there was one thing he didn't want to screw up, this was it. 

As it turned out, it was good that he'd started planning so far in advance. The gift he settled on sort of required it.

In the week leading up to Christmas, Todd had gone out and purchased a leather scrapbook. It was a chore to find an excuse that Neil couldn't tag along. Neil was like a dog: always jumping at the chance to go on a walk. 

Eventually, Todd lined up the trip with one of Neil's rehearsals and bought the gift undetected. 

Once he got home, he got to work. He began filling up the scrapbook with quite literally every love poem he'd ever written. 

Before the couple had gotten together, Todd had settled into a habit of detailing every last interaction in the form of poetry. He had sonnets and sonnets worth of material all about Neil's eyes, Neil's smile, the way Neil walked down the hall, the way Neil greeted him outside of class that day. 

He even had poems about the future, and poems that took place in a fantasy world where Neil was king. 

Todd's habit was being put to good use, because, before long, he'd found himself with a scrapbook containing every detail of their relationship. 

It's perfect, he thought, wrapping it in colorful paper and hiding it at the back of his closet.

Todd had never given a Christmas present to anyone but Jeffrey. He wanted Neil's to be perfect.

But this one seemed perfect. Neil was always the first to read Todd's poetry, always going on about how much he loved it. He'd read the poems Todd had submitted to class, usually giving feedback like "This is incredible!" So imagine if he had unlimited access to Todd's full library, with him as the subject.

For days, Todd obsessed over the gift, but there was no scenario in his head in which Neil didn't take it and love it with his whole heart.

He imagined Neil tearing open the wrapping paper and flipping through the pages with a look of excitement on his face. 

"Can you sign this? For when you're famous and I'm shouting on the streets that I used to know the great Todd Anderson," he'd say, and Todd would laugh and draw his initials inside a heart.

There was just one scenario he missed. One thing he hadn't considered.

Neil didn't make it to Christmas. 

-

When Christmas did finally roll around, Todd got his present out of his closet. He was one of the few who elected not to go home for winter break. How could he? 

He sat on Neil's stripped bed, present in his lap, and imagined how Christmas was supposed to be. 

This wasn't right. This wasn't right at all. Neil was supposed to be here, and joke around, and laugh, and kiss him, and be alive.

But he wouldn't. He'd never do any of those things again.

Todd half expected Neil to walk through the door and say "Surprise! Merry Christmas! It was all a joke."

He stared at the door for a long while, willing it to be true. He didn't care that it was a cruel prank. He just wanted Neil to be alive. 

He stood up, and the present went tumbling to the floor. It ricocheted off the radiator and slid under Neil's bed.

"Shit," Todd cursed, and got down on his knees to find it. 

He felt around under the darkened space when his hand landed on something unfamiliar. 

He paused, then pulled out the box from under Neil's bed.

Todd had seen the way Neil had hoarded things; clinging on to possessions like they held some odd brand of magic. He had seen many old boxes shoved in the back of closets, filled with books, sweaters, and other things Neil couldn't bear to get rid of. 

This box was new. It was about the size of a shoebox, and hadn't been sitting for long enough to gather dust, not even in the toxic environment under Neil's bed.

It felt almost wrong to invade Neil's privacy, no matter how cold he was in his grave, and Todd sat still for a long while before his curiosity got the best of him. He opened the box carefully as he would assemble a house of cards. Whatever it was, if he broke it he would kill himself out of guilt. 

The very first thing he found was the note. A piece of paper, folded once along the center. It simply read: 

For Todd. Merry Christmas. xxx Neil

Wrapped crudely in tissue paper was a very fancy, and surely very expensive--Montblanc? He couldn't quite tell--fountain pen. Todd examined it in the dim window light, eyes wide with shock. 

Neil must've saved up for months to afford this. And it wasn't like he had a steady income, either. Any money Neil earned was by knocking on doors, doing an odd job here or there for some elderly person who didn't want to do the raking themself. And even then, half the time Neil refused to be paid, he just wanted to help. 

Todd winced at the thought of it. Gone, he thought. Gone, but still here. Somehow.

There was one more thing in the box, a sealed envelope. Todd tore it open with animalistic ferocity, craning to read the words written in Neil's hand. 

He unfolded the letter. Then some more.

And again?

It seemed that no matter how many times he unfolded the paper, it simply didn't. Like the paper was enchanted, or not entirely real. 

Todd tried once more, with conviction, and it finally became a smooth parchment. 

He saw that there was ink on the paper. He saw that there were collections of letter, letters that made up words. So why couldn't he read them? 

No, he thought, not paying mind to why it behaved in such a way. Just accepting it, this awful awful fact.

That Neil was gone. Neil was gone. Neil was--

-

Todd woke with a start, heart racing. He sat up in his bed, felt the cold of the room suddenly overtake him. 

"Where's the fire?" Neil said, rubbing his eyes.

"I..." Todd tried. Neil.

"Did it happen again?" Neil whispered.

Again? Todd nodded.

"Aw, Toddy," Neil cooed, coming out of bed to take him in his arms. "It was just a dream. We're safe..."

And everything came flooding back to Todd. The scare after the play. How Neil had been disowned, but Keating was kind enough to pay his tuition, on the condition that Neil pursues acting professionally. 

Winter break. How they were practically the only two left at Welton, that they had the whole building to themselves. 

And it was Christmas Eve...

"Do...do you want to open your gift early?" Todd asked. Just for peace of mind. 

Neil only smiled.

AN: GUYS IT'S FINE HE'S ALIVE OKAY??? YOU'RE FINE