My Starboy

Ants In The Grass

warnings: mature, swearing, alcohol, smoking, very drunk, cheating, heartbreak.

*

Eddie pressed his cheek to his knees, red solo cup dangling in his hand, drink threatening to spill from it. He was watching some bugs. Two ants, he thought, but it was dark and they were small and he was drunk, and they were crawling towards one another. Up on a thick strand of grass, making their way to the other. Eddie watched, the two little black blobs getting closer and closer until they were one. Eddie smiled. He hoped they were in love. They wandered over the grass together, crawling over to a cigarette-butt dropped there by someone, crushed and stubbed out. They wandered around it, crawling over it and under it. Eddie wasn't sure if they were trying to take it home, or if they were trying to have a date on it. He hoped for the latter. He was a romantic at heart.

Gareth tore him out of his trance, his best friend, the reason why he was sulking. He didn't even know why he was sulking, not really, not entirely. Well, he did know why, Gareth had gotten in that pool with that pretty girl and touched her in front of everyone, unapologetically, and Eddie couldn't bear to watch, he felt guilty for getting hard whilst watching the scene, standing right behind his girlfriend and all. It's not his fault that girl sounded like a fucking pornstar and had her tits on display. But he didn't understand why most of his glum, sulking was surrounded by Gareth. His best friend, who he had totally been trying to set up with a girl for months, and now he had a girl, and Eddie was sad, and he didn't understand why.

And maybe Eddie let his feelings shine through a little too much, but he'd been drinking, a lot, and smoking, a lot. And he was a little out of it and he was sad, and he just wanted to watch his maybe-ants on their cigarette-butt date, maybe give them a little bit of his sugary drink to share. But now Gareth was standing there, and Eddie had looked at him unguarded and said something that made both of them quiet. He'd told the truth. He wanted to swim. Well, he didn't really care so much about the swimming, more so about spending time with Gareth. But Gareth didn't want to spend time with Eddie, Gareth wanted to swim with a girl, and Eddie had no right to be mad about that because he'd neglected Gareth all night for his girl. But Eddie was glum, and he was drunk, and he was looking at Gareth and feeling the things he didn't like to feel.

And then Gareth was gone. Into the night. Upset about something, alone, without hugging his best friend goodbye. And he spoke in that tone that Eddie hated the most, that tone he had used when Eddie cancelled their first Friday, the tone he had used when Eddie cancelled their second Friday, the tone he had used when he told Eddie he was happy Eddie got a girlfriend. It was the tone that made Eddie feel nothing but guilt, that made his insides turn in the most disgusting of ways and made him want to bury himself in a pit and die.

And Gareth left. And Eddie stood there, drink hanging in his hand, swaying, as he stared into the space Gareth once occupied, sneakers sinking into the grass below, eyes wet as he willed away the urge to cry, the night cool on his face and his heart hollow. Eddie wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, staring, for. But it was long enough, that when he snapped too his feet ached from standing so long, the grass under his soles was dented, and his drink had bugs in it.

He grimaced, tossing it away. Carver could worry about that, that was for sure. Eddie had been making a mess all night. He'd hurt Chris, all those months ago, said sour things to her and made her cry. And Eddie was there to pick up all the pieces, all the pretty pieces off her heart that Carver broke. So Jason could sure as shit pick up Eddie's rubbish, it was the least he could do.

He thought about running after Gareth, after hopping in his van and chasing him down the street, pestering his best friend until he eventually folded and got in. Gareth was stubborn, especially when emotional. He could chase him down and take him home, or take him back to his trailer to spend the night. Or Eddie could spend the night with Gareth, like they always used to. But he had a girlfriend now, a responsibility and she was supposed to be coming home with him. Sure, he'd offered Gareth a chance to come home with them, but Gareth was probably smart to turn that down. Eddie didn't like the idea of sleeping in the same house as Gareth but not in the same bed, and Chrissy wouldn't want to share. And... Chrissy got really horny when drunk. He wished he didn't have to worry about Chrissy right now, he wanted his friend back. He felt horrible for abandoning him all night, and he felt horrible for letting him wander off into the night. Eddie thought he would go pick him up, drop him home and apologise for his shitty behaviour tonight. There was no excuse, and he'd tell him that, and he'd apologise, and promise to hang out tomorrow instead before driving back to the party and picking up his boyfriend responsibilities. But he took a few steps forward and almost came crashing down on the deck chair he didn't see, and he thought he was far too drunk to drive. And by the time he sobered up enough, Gareth would be home, safe, and in bed. Eddie would just have to call him tomorrow, or maybe he'd come round to surprise him, bring Gareth his favourite chocolates and a bottle of cherry coke for them to share, and a pizza for Missus E, make it all better. Yeah, that would work. He hoped.