Hurt&Pain/Peace&Love

My Point Of View

Beyoncé's POV
November 29, 2016
Huston, TX
Azah & Bey's Mansion
9:30 AM

I was in the office working on some homework. I haven't done anything since I locked my self up in here. Plus I couldn't be around her knowing what I did. I don't know if I could ever tell her either. I want to be honest with her, because that's all she's ever asked for. I just don't know how to. It's all scary, because if I tell her she might leave me. I lost her once, and I'm not trying to lose her again. When she goes to work Rihanna might tell her what happened if I don't. Solána might tell her if they meet up and hang somewhere. No one know about that, or that though. This shit is hard! I was brought out of my thoughts with a kiss to the cheek, and the plate of food placed in front of me.

"Good morning baby! How'd you sleep?" Azah asked me, I smiled, and kissed her back.

"I slept good for the first time in a long time. I barely slept when you were gone. You always held me when we slept, so without your warm embrace. I was lost." I said, and she frowned a little bit.

"You don't have to worry about that no more. I'll continue to hold you at night for the rest of our lives Bumble Bey." Azah said hugging me, and I started eating when she sat down on the couch in the office. "Baby are you okay? You seem like you have something on your mind." She asked me, and I froze, because I know I have to tell her.

"I'm fine it's just. I- *sigh* I umm need to tell you something." I said, and she focused on me completely.

"What is it luv?" She asked me, and I took a deep breath for this one.

"After the drive by, and the doctor saying you were in a coma. I broke slowly, and then I cracked. When they were planning on pulling your plug. I was gonna kill myself, so I could be dead with you, than alive without you." I said, and she just looked at me with sadness written all over her face.

"I know. The gun said it all, but it's crazy. I would never want you to feel like that. Like the only way you could function is if we're either dead or alive together. You depend on me for a lot, but that's only because I offer a lot. If I died I wouldn't want you to die when I do. I would want you to live a happy life still, because I will always be in your heart, and with you in spirit." She said, and I felt tears bubbling up in my eyes.

"That's not all though." I said, and she looked confused.

"Okay, what else did you want to tell me?" She asked me, and a tear fell from my eye.

"I cheated on you." I said, and her eyes went wide.

"Who was it?" She asked me calmly, and I was surprised on how calm she was.

"Rihanna and Solána, and we had sex in the special room." I said, and she looked away from me.

"It's okay I understand. I'm not mad at you. You were in a really tough and venerable position, and you took any comfort you could get. I forgive you. I'm back now, so you don't have to worry anymore. I trust you enough to know that you won't do it again." She said, and hugged me. "Did you sleep with anybody else?" She asked me, and I shook my head no.

"No that was all." I said, but I was lying.

"Okay cool. Listen I'mma go workout, and then I'mma take a shower before I head out. Nala wanted me to meet her at Sisters Soul Food. Said she need to talk to be about something. I should be home after a few hours. Love you!" Azah said giving me one last kiss before she left.

I should've told her about the other two people I had a sexual encounter with. I just couldn't do it. I've lied now, so if they something she's gonna be mad. I could confess it before she leaves, but then she's gonna ask me why I didn't tell her. Ahhh fuck!