WHEN YOU FINISH SAVING THE WORLD ✸ Joel Miller

x. Victim of the Past

[ CHAPTER TEN ! ]
victim of the past.

1989

"YOU KNOW, I RECKON WE could kill him with one of those beer bottles of his." My little sister quips, her eyes dark and furious. The suggestion makes me pause for a moment. I feel as though I've failed as I sit here, cleaning up the cut on my thirteen-year-old sister. I've watched her happiness fade and be replaced with depression. All because I've failed to protect her from our father.

"We can't kill him, Haze." I sigh, continuing to wipe the cut.

Her jaw twitches. "Why the hell not?"

I don't know why not. I'm not sure why we shouldn't. He's put us through hell and back and remains without a bruise. "You know what would happen if someone like us killed our dad?"

Her eyes flicker with both remembrance and sadness.

"Raped and killed. That's what happens in this fuckin' town." My Texan accent is thick as I say this--it shouldn't be, though. I'm only seventeen and I've already got caught stuck with this stupid accent thanks to this stupid town.

She nods. "You've wanted to get out of here for a while, though, right? We can kill him and run. Run and never turn back." She stands up as the idea of being a runaway floods her brain and excitement sparks behind those brown eyes. "We could go to Houston, right?"

"Houston is a day's walk away, Hazel."

She recoils. "That's it?" then a wicked grin forms over her lips. "We could leave first thing tomorrow morning and be there by dawn."

I keep my head low, trying to refrain from lashing out. "We can't, Hazel. He hit you, and I know it was bad but this isn't the first--"

She shakes her head. "Aren't you tired of this? Getting beat by our own father?"

"Hazel, you're young. You don't understand--"

I'm unable to finish my sentence before she cuts it short with a scoff. "Like hell I don't."

I realize her mind's already been made up. When she's determined to do something, she'll do it. She'll do whatever it takes to do it.

THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE. SPLATTERED on my shirt, soaking my shaking hands. I'm unable to speak due to the quivering of my lips as I stare down at my father's dead body.

It's funny, I've seen so many dead bodies on theater screens that showcase the horror films I've watched a dozen times, but now that I'm staring at my first, I'm unsure of what to do and I'm the protagonist of my own story while my younger sister holds a gun and points it at me.

She's staring at me with a tear-filled gaze and trembling lips. "I..." Her face whitens and she collapses to her knees. I watch her come undone, she's killed our father and is feeling the regret. "I didn't mean to... oh god."

She takes another look toward our father's body and hurls. Vomit comes straight out and she holds her hand to her chest--right where her heart is. She's whispering something to herself I can't quite hear over my own heartbeat. It's pounding is echoing in my head and it's all I can hear. I just watch her body tremble and fall apart as she begins to put her hands over the wound in our father's stomach. She's pushing down on it and sobbing and pleading.

It's then when I hear sirens. God. The sound is so loud yet so faint I question if they're even real or not.

They're getting louder and louder and my sister's face is covered in splatters of our dad's blood. Her white shirt, soaked. In his blood.

Finally, I'm unfrozen. "Hazel," I sputter, "We need to go."

She looks back at me with wide eyes and a tear slips down her cheek. "No, we can't... we can't leave him here!"

I stand, but my knees are weak. I'm having tunnel vision and there's duplicates of everything in this room. I'm dizzy and want to throw up yet can't feel a bone in my body. Through the blinds I can see the red and blue lights flashing and on the wall I can see my body's shadow. Hazel is still sobbing and trying to perform CPR on our dad's dead body but we have no time. I grab the gun off of the floor and slide it in my pocket. "Take your shoes off so they don't track us."

She doesn't budge. She remains broken on the floor while I slide my sneakers off. "I can't. I killed him." I realize what she's doing and it's right when the cops begin to pound on the door. "Go!"

I do. I run and I don't look back.

"RHEA?" ELLIE'S VOICE BRINGS ME out of my slumber. I take my head off of the window of Joel's borrowed car and glance back at her, who is sitting in the back seat with Hayden.

"Hm?"

"You mumble in your sleep." She doesn't look up from her comic as she says it, and it earns her a chuckle from Hayden. "What is it with you two mumbling in your sleep? Is that what happens when you get old?"

"Hey!" I slap her knee. "I'm fifty-one. Middle-aged."

She mimicked me for a second, nudging Hayden's shoulder with a knowing smirk.

I glance up at Joel and hope to see a smile, but his face remains tense.

"What's this?" I hear her question as she reaches for something beneath my seat. My eyebrows knit together as I look back in confusion. It's a magazine with a shirtless man on the cover.

I immediately knew what it was when I read the cover and went to grab it when Ellie let out a laugh as she pulled away from me. "How does he even walk around with that thing?"

Hayden began to peek over her shoulder and I immediately hid my face in my hand. "Cover your eyes, Hayden!"

Joel checked the chaos in the rearview mirror and his face dropped. "Please, put that back, Ellie--"

"Ugh, why are the pages stuck together?" Ellie squirms and I can't. My face is on fire and I'm unable to speak. "I'm messing with you."

This makes me send a glare in her direction. I slap her knee again as her laughter booms throughout the car. I even chuckle too, and as Ellie and Hayden's laughs grow, mine does too. I look back over and Joel's face has relaxed, his eyes softened. I shove his shoulder. "You're warming up to them."

He quickly went back to his grumpy, tense, face and shook his head.

I don't say anything after that, I just smile out the window as I feel my heart burst at it's seems.

a/n

i apologize for the short chapter but i'm struggling