WHEN YOU FINISH SAVING THE WORLD ✸ Joel Miller

xix. Youth

[ CHAPTER NINETEEN ! ]
youth

















NOVEMBER 21ST, 1995

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY you're so nervous." Joel chuckles, nudging my shoulder as we begin stepping up the porch of my parent's house with our fingers intertwined. 

I can't help but gawk at this. I feel like I might hurl right here and throw up all over the bushes. "Our families are about to meet for the first time! I've never--none of my boyfriend's families have ever met mine." 

He gives my hand a tight squeeze and he looks down at me with reassuring eyes, yet he's still smiling at me with the same playful smile. "Relax. It's just dinner. And it's not every day that Sarah has a babysitter, so, let's enjoy it!" 

But before I'm able to protest, the door opens and on the other side I'm met with Joel's mother on the opposite side. "Hi! Come in, come in!" Once we're inside, she first gives me a gentle hug then grins from ear to ear at the sight of Joel. She'd always been fond of him--ever since they'd first met approximately 18 months back. "How have you been?" 

They pull away from one another and he smiles--seeming genuinely so happy to see her. He glances down at me and shoves a hand in his pocket. "I'm good. We're good." 

"And Sarah? How's she?" 

He lights up at just the mention of her name. "She's great! We got her enrolled at the preschool down the street from our house."

It still feels weird to hear him use we and our when talking about the things that we own. 

"Rhea!" I hear Tommy's voice from the dining room and boom down the hallway. I go for a gentle, warm hug, but he full-on wraps me into a bear hug, leaving me hardly any room to breath as he towers over me. But when I'm finally able to speak, I clear my throat. 

"Nice to see you too." 

He keeps his arm around my shoulder and looks at me with a devious gaze. "You think you could set me up with your sister?" 

My eyes widen before I can help it. "Tommy, she's seventeen!" 

"Seventeen is the legal age of consent in Texas." He flashes a grin. "Plus, you and I are the same age. It's fine." 

"You're not her type." 

"Oh yeah?" He crosses his arms over his torso with a raised eyebrow. "What is her type?" 

I find my lips curling up into a smile without being able to prevent it. "Douchebags." 

"Is that right?" He places a toothpick between his teeth and begins to gnaw on it. "And she doesn't like Joel?"

I feel two hands wrap around my waist and Joel's familiar cologne gives him right away. "Hey! I am not a douchebag." 

2023

I'M WOKEN UP WITH the loud cries of Ellie. 

Quickly, I'm on my feet and look to the corner of the room and there Sam is, right on top of Ellie--trying to bite her. And for a second I'm not quite sure what to do. I'm just frozen in place. But it seems to click in not only my brain, but in Henry and Joel's, because all three of us have lunged for the gun. Henry's got it and immediately points it at Joel, then to me, and back to Joel. 

"Joel!" Ellie screams, piercing straight through me. Hayden and Parker peek through the doorway, their eyes wide. But I'm unable to speak. Joel is ready to run over and pull Sam off when Henry shoots the floor right at the toe of Joel's foot. "Rhea!" 

"Henry," I try to have my voice come off as calm as possible, I don't want to scare the kids more. I just want to keep them safe. Henry looks at me, turning the gun on me. "Give me the gun. I--" I hold my hand to my heart. "I swear. I--I won't hurt him."

But he doesn't listen. I  blink and the next thing I see is Sam's body falling limp on the floor next to Ellie, after a gunshot sounded. 

There Sam lays, blood seeping out of the side of his head. I want to run over to Ellie and make sure she's okay, and even more so, go shield Hayden and her eyes and try to somehow erase what just happened from her mind but I'm completely frozen as I stare at the little boy. 

Within a matter of seconds, his life is gone. He lost his life at the hands of his brother. 

"What did I just do?" Henry blinks, watching the puddle of blood grow. 

"Henry," My voice is soft and shaky like a scared little whisper. "It's okay. It's okay. Please, give me the gun."

"What did I do?" I can see the horror behind the boy's eyes. I can see him unravel. "What did I do?"

"Henry," I attempt to smile, holding my palm out and my heart grows and all I want is for him to place the gun in the palm of my hand and let me hug him. 

"What--what did--what did I do?" And he turns toward his brother for a second time, but the pool of blood has only multiplied. "Sam?" 

"Henry, give us the gun." Joel stands next to me, slowly holding his hand out next to mine. "Give me the gun, Henry." 

Henry only spares Joel one singular glance before taking a last look at his brother's body. And then without hardly any hesitation, he puts the end of the gun to his head and doesn't think twice before pulling the trigger. 

"Henry!" My cry comes out as a shriek--a plead. And I watch as his body thuds against the hard floor. 

My body's initial reaction is simply just nausea. The room begins to spin and I immediately feel sick to my stomach. I clasp my hand over my mouth, trying to contain the vomit in my mouth before running to the bathroom.