Into your veins

Repeat.

You have probably heard the 'it gets better' even if you feel it never will. I'm living proof. I know a girl. My mothers friend, Pam. Used to self harm. She is 38 and still scars. She's sitting on the lounge right now. Her 5 beautiful kids who I'm all every close to and her husband who is the nicest and funniest man I've ever met. The moment she saw my cuts she gave me a lecture of how it gets better and when my mum walked out of the room she hugged me and whispered.

"I know what you're going through, and it may feel as though it will never end and that nothing matters because you will kill yourself in the end but one day. One day I promise you, you will have a family to feed. And you will look back and see how selfish you were not to take life seriously and then you will struggle my dear. I'm just lucky I have Steve. And lucky he can cook and lucky I have 5 slaves, I mean wonderful children and lucky my parents were nice enough to buy us a restaurant. So babe, it does. It really really does get better. And scars are for life. Everyone will be able to see these. You know you can't hide your arms, shoulders, stomach and legs forever. It gets better. I love you and I'm always here. I promise."

It does get better. It took me 3 years to realise that and I'm still unsure if you call this 'better' but it's something. Something nice.