Midnight Wonders

5.6.1. Time Frozen in a Glass

When Kay came back, Luc was heading to the garden, being bored out of his mind in his room with little to do. Elaine didn't seem to mind his company. Lost time, he supposed. It was hard for him to feel the same way when he could feel that the time was lost but almost couldn't mourn it, for he could hardly even comprehend what he'd lost. It made him guilty, a bit, that he couldn't feel the same way as everyone else.

On the way, Morgan, being as omnipresent as ever, found him and said, "Kay is back."

"Oh," said Luc. "Oh. Um...thank you." Morgan nodded and started to leave. "Wait, when?"

"Just now. He might be in his room, but he could have left by now."

It was almost embarrassing that Morgan knew Luc would want to see him. Though why was that? Luc did want to see Kay. "Thank you," he said again, and they parted ways, Luc heading towards Kay's room, which he thought he had almost memorized more quickly than the route to his own room. He supposed that when he had remembered, both had been natural to him, but the path to Kay's room was one that he would have had to consciously learn.

Luc ran into Kay in the mess of the great hall even before he reached Kay's room. Luc hadn't realized luck was so kind to him. He grabbed Kay's arm before Kay could run away. "You're here!" he said.

"Well, of course." Kay looked somewhat affronted, and Luc realized the embarrassing display of desperation evident when he'd accosted Kay, so he let go. "I said I would be back, didn't I?" said Kay.

"You realize you didn't make the greatest pattern of honesty towards me," said Luc. And as he said that, it occurred to him that perhaps nothing Kay had ever said had been honest. It was tiring, not being able to trust Kay. Or at least, knowing that he shouldn't trust Kay, because he still did.

"You make a great pattern of clinginess towards me," said Kay.

Luc paused. "Sorry."

Kay glanced at him. "I don't dislike it," he said. "I just wish you would stop."

"You can heal and break my heart in one breath," said Luc.

Kay looked at him for a moment. "Then I won't speak." He started to walk past.

"Wait," said Luc, hurrying after him. "Talk to me. You can break my heart; it's all right. Where are you going? Didn't you just get here?"

"Yes, and now I'm leaving again," said Kay.

"Why?"

"Because I have things to do." Kay looked at him. "And you?"

That was a sharp accusation. "Well, I don't have anything to do because there's not much to do," said Luc. "When I used to be here I suppose I would have been like you going around all over the place, but I don't anymore. I'm just waiting to leave. It's a bit...boring."

Silence. Luc stared at Kay, and Kay just stared back at him. The silence could have gone on forever and no one would know. "I will take you into the village once," said Kay.

"Thank you," said Luc, barely able to contain his relief and satisfaction. He felt like a child. Had he been so starved of any love or attention that even Kay's guarded indifference towards him was enough just for being directed at him? If his emotions could be controlled by a dial he would turn down the unbridled happiness he felt at any attention from Kay, because when he was without it the crash from such a high made him feel terrible without relief. Was it because Kay seemed so unwilling to give it to anyone else? Was he that kind of person, to be swayed by such artificial stokes of the ego?

Kay was looking at him strangely. "What, you want to go now?"

Luc hadn't even realized he'd just been standing there. "I mean...I don't have anything else to do. But if you do, then of course we can go later..."